Thru' the eyes of faith, there is potential...
Thru' the heart of filial to honor our parents...
Thru' God's grace, there is salvation...
Thru' the word of God, there is conviction and transformation of the heart...
Thru' the wise of the old, the young knows how to live...
Thru' one man's death, it taught one to live...
Thru' the words of exhortations, man are edify and build up...
Thru' the love of God, one surrenders his life...
Amen...
Monday, December 28, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Days at Kota Tinggi...
I realized that there are a few things that I have learnt about my young adults and myself...
I missed my old man, but what I really missed about him was his influence on me, how he had loved me, how he brought me up in the word of the Lord when I was young, how he allowed me to grow, fall, and he never failed to pick me up, that was the greatest of his love to his sons. the legacy that he had as a pastor in his growing up years, was never mine to carry and follow...but it was for me to grow in a different matter and contributes to the kingdom of God...
the greatest of a man was his influence, the greatest of a man was his ability to challenge his people to greater heights and polishing others' weaknesses and develop his strengths, the greatest of a man was his love for God and his people, the greatest of a man was his willing to serve his people, the greatest is his passionate for the word of God, prayer was the key essential in the ministry, encouragement and edification gives a totally different dynamic to the minister, the greatest of them all... is one who walks humbly in the dust of the Rabbi.
Through this trip, I remember how one old man inspires my heart for mission and the word of God. He challenges all that I believe over packs of peanuts in the past...
Old man are wise when it is treasured...I wished to have more in my life...
I missed my old man, but what I really missed about him was his influence on me, how he had loved me, how he brought me up in the word of the Lord when I was young, how he allowed me to grow, fall, and he never failed to pick me up, that was the greatest of his love to his sons. the legacy that he had as a pastor in his growing up years, was never mine to carry and follow...but it was for me to grow in a different matter and contributes to the kingdom of God...
the greatest of a man was his influence, the greatest of a man was his ability to challenge his people to greater heights and polishing others' weaknesses and develop his strengths, the greatest of a man was his love for God and his people, the greatest of a man was his willing to serve his people, the greatest is his passionate for the word of God, prayer was the key essential in the ministry, encouragement and edification gives a totally different dynamic to the minister, the greatest of them all... is one who walks humbly in the dust of the Rabbi.
Through this trip, I remember how one old man inspires my heart for mission and the word of God. He challenges all that I believe over packs of peanuts in the past...
Old man are wise when it is treasured...I wished to have more in my life...
Monday, November 16, 2009
love is so simple yet profound in action...
Some thoughts after watching 2012, realised that this movie had a Christian slant to it, do not know whether the director and the writer of this movie had that intention at the first place.
I realized the depraved mind of man to the maximum! Why do i say so? For the movie is constantly playing the self-center-ness of man, it is so easy to play the good man, who really loves the world, but when in times of crisis, i realised that there and then it is a challenge of your integrity, everything that you believe, it is only when you are in crisis, it will greatly manifested your deepest "you!"
When you are in deep crisis, when time is running out, the seconds goes by so quickly, your heart over-take your mind, that you are no longer thinking rationally, your desire to survive over too your love for the world, your mind says that you want to live, but your heart is constantly contradicting with all your being, which is let other lives. How do you make a godly decision when you are in crisis? Is it time to give up your seat in the big "Noak Ark" in the movie, so that other may live?
What shocks me was the dialogue between the USA president and the young scientist! The president gave up his seat so that the young scientist could live, knowing clearly that his role is surely and definitely more important and significant than the young scientist. But what was amazing was how he measure one man's talent compared to the whole board of ministers. But was it the talent that the president is going after? or something more than that? Was there something that the president saw in the young man, more than his love for science?
As the story continues to develop clearly, it was surely not the talent, but the love for the people, the love for humanity, the love for standing up for the truth! The love for all who needs to hear the truth despite of the situation, a hopeless and unavoidable situation, but the people still needs to hear and know the truth and make decisions on their own, the need for survival is the truth that they need to know! And this is what he stood up for even at the end of the movie, the call for all humanity to have the right to be saved from the waves that is coming towards them in 30 mins time.
Time is running out clearly! but the one who is passionate is the one that will fight for the truth! the one who dare to stand up against all hope just for other to live! the love for the people is what really matters! Even one can be a high flyer in the board of the minster in the White House, can be self-center in his thinking, which is nothing wrong at the first place, but is that really one should only live for? For oneself? For one's own glory?! For one's own pride and honor? What is the real value of one's man life and the whole humanity?! Is it all possible to love oneself that when you see the world is dieing in front of you, yet your heart is to save yourself?
My heart tears deeply as I reflect on this scene, how could one totally be clear that he only desires himself to be saved and not the rest when they are crying out for help! I did not realised that my tears are rolling on my eyeballs and will flow on like floodgates. It came to me as a shock~wave to my mind, the scene, what really caused the heart of man to be so heartless!
I was thinking and thinking, reflecting how would i respond in this situation, yourself or more people to be saved? Would I be like the self-fish minister on board? or the young scientist? the answer is clear!
I do not know...but all i could said, is only when I keep on thinking about other-people center ministry, it will become so part of me in the present, and when the future comes in this situation, all I hope against all hope is that my heart would have the compassion, the drive to love, the emotions to feel the world is losing their loved one, the joy of seeing people reconciling despite of their situation, in the name of love, love!
many scenes in the movie that breaks my heart! A scene of love between a father and son...in order to save one of the twin ~ a son, the father threw his son so that he could be caught by a man and the other half of the twin. and the father, out of his love, he fell to his death in the deep water. What a scene! What love! Indescribable desire for one's son to be saved above his own! Amazing! Grace in its totality! Fundamental love between a father and a son! Profound in action! But what is more essential, is that the father did not think twice to do an act like this, it was so natural for the father.
O Lord, I prayed that you grant me the heart to love...to love all of humanity like Christ...to love beyond words could ever describe...to love above all else, to die so that other may live...i know in my heart and in my mind, I cannot and will not do the above, but only in you will i.
John 3:30, ESV, "He must increase, but i must decrease."
I realized the depraved mind of man to the maximum! Why do i say so? For the movie is constantly playing the self-center-ness of man, it is so easy to play the good man, who really loves the world, but when in times of crisis, i realised that there and then it is a challenge of your integrity, everything that you believe, it is only when you are in crisis, it will greatly manifested your deepest "you!"
When you are in deep crisis, when time is running out, the seconds goes by so quickly, your heart over-take your mind, that you are no longer thinking rationally, your desire to survive over too your love for the world, your mind says that you want to live, but your heart is constantly contradicting with all your being, which is let other lives. How do you make a godly decision when you are in crisis? Is it time to give up your seat in the big "Noak Ark" in the movie, so that other may live?
What shocks me was the dialogue between the USA president and the young scientist! The president gave up his seat so that the young scientist could live, knowing clearly that his role is surely and definitely more important and significant than the young scientist. But what was amazing was how he measure one man's talent compared to the whole board of ministers. But was it the talent that the president is going after? or something more than that? Was there something that the president saw in the young man, more than his love for science?
As the story continues to develop clearly, it was surely not the talent, but the love for the people, the love for humanity, the love for standing up for the truth! The love for all who needs to hear the truth despite of the situation, a hopeless and unavoidable situation, but the people still needs to hear and know the truth and make decisions on their own, the need for survival is the truth that they need to know! And this is what he stood up for even at the end of the movie, the call for all humanity to have the right to be saved from the waves that is coming towards them in 30 mins time.
Time is running out clearly! but the one who is passionate is the one that will fight for the truth! the one who dare to stand up against all hope just for other to live! the love for the people is what really matters! Even one can be a high flyer in the board of the minster in the White House, can be self-center in his thinking, which is nothing wrong at the first place, but is that really one should only live for? For oneself? For one's own glory?! For one's own pride and honor? What is the real value of one's man life and the whole humanity?! Is it all possible to love oneself that when you see the world is dieing in front of you, yet your heart is to save yourself?
My heart tears deeply as I reflect on this scene, how could one totally be clear that he only desires himself to be saved and not the rest when they are crying out for help! I did not realised that my tears are rolling on my eyeballs and will flow on like floodgates. It came to me as a shock~wave to my mind, the scene, what really caused the heart of man to be so heartless!
I was thinking and thinking, reflecting how would i respond in this situation, yourself or more people to be saved? Would I be like the self-fish minister on board? or the young scientist? the answer is clear!
I do not know...but all i could said, is only when I keep on thinking about other-people center ministry, it will become so part of me in the present, and when the future comes in this situation, all I hope against all hope is that my heart would have the compassion, the drive to love, the emotions to feel the world is losing their loved one, the joy of seeing people reconciling despite of their situation, in the name of love, love!
many scenes in the movie that breaks my heart! A scene of love between a father and son...in order to save one of the twin ~ a son, the father threw his son so that he could be caught by a man and the other half of the twin. and the father, out of his love, he fell to his death in the deep water. What a scene! What love! Indescribable desire for one's son to be saved above his own! Amazing! Grace in its totality! Fundamental love between a father and a son! Profound in action! But what is more essential, is that the father did not think twice to do an act like this, it was so natural for the father.
O Lord, I prayed that you grant me the heart to love...to love all of humanity like Christ...to love beyond words could ever describe...to love above all else, to die so that other may live...i know in my heart and in my mind, I cannot and will not do the above, but only in you will i.
John 3:30, ESV, "He must increase, but i must decrease."
Monday, October 26, 2009
Inspiration quotes...
no matter how talented or how smart a leader may be, an unteachable spirit is the path to certain failure. ~ Henry Blackaby.
Billy Graham addressed a gathering of clergy in London in 1979. He said that if he had his ministry to do over again, he would study three times as much as he had and would take on fewer engagements.
"I've preached too much," said Graham, "and studied too little."
Leonard da Vinci was once hard at work on a great painting. It was nearly complete when suddenly he called a student to him, gave him the brush, and said, "You finish it."
The student protested, feeling unworthy.
But da Vinci said, "Will not what I have done inspire you to do your best?"
Billy Graham addressed a gathering of clergy in London in 1979. He said that if he had his ministry to do over again, he would study three times as much as he had and would take on fewer engagements.
"I've preached too much," said Graham, "and studied too little."
Leonard da Vinci was once hard at work on a great painting. It was nearly complete when suddenly he called a student to him, gave him the brush, and said, "You finish it."
The student protested, feeling unworthy.
But da Vinci said, "Will not what I have done inspire you to do your best?"
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Heart over mind?
Breakfast as usual? Or unusual breakfast? What makes a breakfast unusual, is not what is laid on the table for breakfast, but rather what is the content of the breakfast!
"Ron, ask you something, if i want to be baptized, must I remember a lot of things about the Bible or do I need to go through some test?" My mum asked me (in her mother tongue) in the most sincere faith that the Lord has worked in her heart.
I said, "There is no hurry for you to be baptized, mum." But my heart felt like I just score the winning goal in the World Cup final! "You just take your time to read the Bible more and understand why you believe in what and who you believe in," in a more rationale and stable tone after a few seconds to settle my heart's overwhelm excitement!
Please continue to pray for my mum, I know that baptism is not a sign and seal that one is saved, that her heart for the Lord and His word would increase.
After some time of learning Greek till 715pm, (very tiring!) it is time for me to go for a ride at my bicycle. Realized that I did not eat my dinner, I was running on reserve. Trust me, running on reserve is never easy, going on and pushing ahead, yet knowing that in your heart and mind, you want to push forward, but you do not have the strength to go ahead and go faster as you want to gain momentum especially during cycling.
From my place, I hit top speed passing by Telok Kurau road, but by the time I reach 500m before East Coast Park MacDonald underpass, I was still running on reserve, and boy, the feeling is totally unwanted and unnecessary! The more I want to push even faster, the slower I went. Running on reserve is just like you are carrying 20kg of sandbag having a road-march of 20 rounds of 400m wearing a pair of boots without socks and sole in Detention Barracks. Your motivation is as low as you can imagine!
My mind was playing with my heart, my mind said to my heart, "Time to give up, you are totally running on reserve, how long can you last? Can you really last the distance? You are going all the way to Fort road from East Coast Park, then to Old Airport Road, and stop by church kopitiam for dinner, you sure you can last, heart?" Logically, the mind was right in a way! Sometime our mind just play mind-game with our heart, constantly telling us to give up that this is not our cup of tea. Give up!
Who says that man is run by our mind? I beg to differ! My heart said, "If you started something, go all the way, pursue it with all that you had, finished the race!" I went to the nearby mama shop and buy a bar of snickers and a can of 100 plus, and aim to finish the distance.
Sometimes in life, you need to follow your heart as much as respect to your mind. For me, if I have just follow my mind, I would be home at 730pm! But with the heart motivation I reach the church kopitiam at 810pm for 2 eggs, 2 kaya and butter toasted bread.
Without the inspiration of the heart to finish it, I would not have enjoyed the time I spend at the coffee shop. I would not have enjoyed the flashback scenes that I had with my belated dad, who always had kaya bread and eggs with me, and not to mention a cup of hot Milo for breakfast at least 2 to 3 times a week in my growing up years, which I badly missed...
Without the heart, there is no enjoyment of visualizing my time spend with my dad in the past. It was a beautiful time of experience of the presence of my father. But I tearing in my heart big time! Presence of my father, how badly I miss it. I can only look forward to eternity, can I be with the Lord now? I badly missed the time I had with my dad...
A song from 1a.m, a Malaysia band, here goes a song that ministers to my heart...
My Father, I long to be close to You
To hold You and be secure made anew
And I wanna be in love with You, my Lord
And I wanna say to You
Chorus:
You are my Father God, my Savior
My Redeemer
Lord, I long to be in Your presence
Lord, I long to be in Your presence
The cry of a man's heart is to be in the presence of God...as much I miss my dad, it is the presence of God that I pray for. Amen...
"Ron, ask you something, if i want to be baptized, must I remember a lot of things about the Bible or do I need to go through some test?" My mum asked me (in her mother tongue) in the most sincere faith that the Lord has worked in her heart.
I said, "There is no hurry for you to be baptized, mum." But my heart felt like I just score the winning goal in the World Cup final! "You just take your time to read the Bible more and understand why you believe in what and who you believe in," in a more rationale and stable tone after a few seconds to settle my heart's overwhelm excitement!
Please continue to pray for my mum, I know that baptism is not a sign and seal that one is saved, that her heart for the Lord and His word would increase.
After some time of learning Greek till 715pm, (very tiring!) it is time for me to go for a ride at my bicycle. Realized that I did not eat my dinner, I was running on reserve. Trust me, running on reserve is never easy, going on and pushing ahead, yet knowing that in your heart and mind, you want to push forward, but you do not have the strength to go ahead and go faster as you want to gain momentum especially during cycling.
From my place, I hit top speed passing by Telok Kurau road, but by the time I reach 500m before East Coast Park MacDonald underpass, I was still running on reserve, and boy, the feeling is totally unwanted and unnecessary! The more I want to push even faster, the slower I went. Running on reserve is just like you are carrying 20kg of sandbag having a road-march of 20 rounds of 400m wearing a pair of boots without socks and sole in Detention Barracks. Your motivation is as low as you can imagine!
My mind was playing with my heart, my mind said to my heart, "Time to give up, you are totally running on reserve, how long can you last? Can you really last the distance? You are going all the way to Fort road from East Coast Park, then to Old Airport Road, and stop by church kopitiam for dinner, you sure you can last, heart?" Logically, the mind was right in a way! Sometime our mind just play mind-game with our heart, constantly telling us to give up that this is not our cup of tea. Give up!
Who says that man is run by our mind? I beg to differ! My heart said, "If you started something, go all the way, pursue it with all that you had, finished the race!" I went to the nearby mama shop and buy a bar of snickers and a can of 100 plus, and aim to finish the distance.
Sometimes in life, you need to follow your heart as much as respect to your mind. For me, if I have just follow my mind, I would be home at 730pm! But with the heart motivation I reach the church kopitiam at 810pm for 2 eggs, 2 kaya and butter toasted bread.
Without the inspiration of the heart to finish it, I would not have enjoyed the time I spend at the coffee shop. I would not have enjoyed the flashback scenes that I had with my belated dad, who always had kaya bread and eggs with me, and not to mention a cup of hot Milo for breakfast at least 2 to 3 times a week in my growing up years, which I badly missed...
Without the heart, there is no enjoyment of visualizing my time spend with my dad in the past. It was a beautiful time of experience of the presence of my father. But I tearing in my heart big time! Presence of my father, how badly I miss it. I can only look forward to eternity, can I be with the Lord now? I badly missed the time I had with my dad...
A song from 1a.m, a Malaysia band, here goes a song that ministers to my heart...
My Father, I long to be close to You
To hold You and be secure made anew
And I wanna be in love with You, my Lord
And I wanna say to You
Chorus:
You are my Father God, my Savior
My Redeemer
Lord, I long to be in Your presence
Lord, I long to be in Your presence
The cry of a man's heart is to be in the presence of God...as much I miss my dad, it is the presence of God that I pray for. Amen...
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
One word that grips your heart in totality!!!
Just one word, it will brighten my day and refresh my heart! Mission!
Heard from one of my friend that there is a possible mission trip to Egypt for a recce trip. A trip that focus on spying the land, to see whether is there a possible trip there to do any form of ministry in the future.
I think I need to pray and think about, how to marriage the two different calls, Mission and Pastoral ministry.
Teach me thy ways O Lord.
Heard from one of my friend that there is a possible mission trip to Egypt for a recce trip. A trip that focus on spying the land, to see whether is there a possible trip there to do any form of ministry in the future.
I think I need to pray and think about, how to marriage the two different calls, Mission and Pastoral ministry.
Teach me thy ways O Lord.
Friday, September 4, 2009
Breaking into~!
2nd September 2009, while I was having accountability guy time with Clement and Jason from TTC. I received a familiar number, a number that would always asked me, Are you coming back tonight? Do you want me to cook dinner for you, so that when you are back home, you got something to eat? A comfortable and warm voice awaits me as I picked up the call.
My mother called while I was sharing my struggle to take up a preaching engagement with Bethel youth camp, the process and finally how the Lord convicted me through his word in Jeremiah 20:9 to take up the honor to share God's word. It was a difficult process for me, for the dates actually crash with my home church youth camp's dates. Both was precious ministries in the eyes of the Lord, none is higher than the other. Both would be the kind of ministry that I would want to do, be it preaching or spending time with the youths, encouraging the young adults in their planning process of the youth camp together with Tong Chai.
I was caught in a fix between two camps as I prayed and reflected. It is not a matter of choice, not a matter of preference to begin with, definitely not a matter of gifting and passion. What I realized, it all boils down to who am I in Christ and who is God in my life.
Once I had established that I am purely a slave in Christ, my role is to glorify God in the decision making process. What then will glorify God? Preaching or spending time with the youths?
With this framework that I am a slave in Christ, redeemed by the blood of Christ from being a slave to sin. So therefore, I reflected about Jeremiah 20:9,
But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.
The words of Jeremiah 20:9, kept on challenging my heart, and in the end I was convicted to take up the role and surrendering my prefer choice of being with my youths...
by faith will I accept, by grace will I preach, in truth will I stand, in love will I learn...
Ron~! An anxious, crying voice registered in my mind, a familiar and warm voice seems very different this time! The content of the caller seems to be out of the world!
Ron~!!! Our house has been broke into! Mammy's jewelery are all stolen! A panic voice with a depression tone, a sense of hopeless! It seems like it is the end of the world for her! Crying non-stop and yet trying to articulate her words to her son who is enjoying a cup of coffee with his friends.
Jason fetch me home, but my mind was preoccupied with possible scenarios of what would happen as my fingers busy sms-ing to my friends, to pray for wisdom in handling the whole situation. Thank you all for praying!
Reach my home at 1445, went in, saw some marks on my window grills, saw that my collections of loose coins are all gone, seeing my mum crying as she try her best to share her painful experience of losing all her precious jewelery that was passed down by my grandmothers and her grandmother.
Police came to take her testimony, Inspectors came and asked me questions about my whereabouts and some family history, the experts came later at 4plus pm to find leads, take some sample for DNA, photos of the crime scenes.
Went for dinner with my mum and sister-in-law, bought more food than usual, to assure my mum that even though she lost her jewelery and some cash, she still got food to eat, she still got 2 sons loving and caring for her. All is not lost!
The ultimatum came when she told me that she wants to die. Then did I realized that it was quite a heavy blow on her, to lost the sense of hope, all that she is holding on, was the world she is living and the framework that she was brought up with - possessions!
The following statement seems to suggest that I am quite cruel with my words, but I guess it came out from a loving heart that does not want her to go into depression. "Ma, is your life only worth the value of your jewelery? There are so many who wants to live, especially those who lost all their house and their family members in the recent Taiwan typhoon, they still want to live!"
I want to change her paradigm on sufferings. Many people had suffer big time, but yet they still want to live. Why should we die because we lost our property, our money, our very possessions that we hold dearly? I believe what I said was harsh, hard but yet truth in some sense.
Losing her dear possessions does not mean the end of the earth! The world is still revolving, so it means that we should continue to live even though we are facing sufferings! Very tough to live, but Christ did not promise a life that is completely trouble-free life! And as a Christian myself, I need to see that sufferings and injustices are part of the testing of my faith!
On 3rd September, we had day of prayer. I was thinking, "Why does bad things happens to godly people?" Heard of this book title before? This is what I have been thinking all day!
My answer? A test of faith as I spend time reflecting on the book of Job, just reading the first 3 chapters was comforting enough! Job lost his possessions, his children, all of them in a short frame of time!
My mother called while I was sharing my struggle to take up a preaching engagement with Bethel youth camp, the process and finally how the Lord convicted me through his word in Jeremiah 20:9 to take up the honor to share God's word. It was a difficult process for me, for the dates actually crash with my home church youth camp's dates. Both was precious ministries in the eyes of the Lord, none is higher than the other. Both would be the kind of ministry that I would want to do, be it preaching or spending time with the youths, encouraging the young adults in their planning process of the youth camp together with Tong Chai.
I was caught in a fix between two camps as I prayed and reflected. It is not a matter of choice, not a matter of preference to begin with, definitely not a matter of gifting and passion. What I realized, it all boils down to who am I in Christ and who is God in my life.
Once I had established that I am purely a slave in Christ, my role is to glorify God in the decision making process. What then will glorify God? Preaching or spending time with the youths?
With this framework that I am a slave in Christ, redeemed by the blood of Christ from being a slave to sin. So therefore, I reflected about Jeremiah 20:9,
But if I say, "I will not mention him or speak any more in his name," his word is in my heart like a fire, a fire shut up in my bones. I am weary of holding it in; indeed, I cannot.
The words of Jeremiah 20:9, kept on challenging my heart, and in the end I was convicted to take up the role and surrendering my prefer choice of being with my youths...
by faith will I accept, by grace will I preach, in truth will I stand, in love will I learn...
Ron~! An anxious, crying voice registered in my mind, a familiar and warm voice seems very different this time! The content of the caller seems to be out of the world!
Ron~!!! Our house has been broke into! Mammy's jewelery are all stolen! A panic voice with a depression tone, a sense of hopeless! It seems like it is the end of the world for her! Crying non-stop and yet trying to articulate her words to her son who is enjoying a cup of coffee with his friends.
Jason fetch me home, but my mind was preoccupied with possible scenarios of what would happen as my fingers busy sms-ing to my friends, to pray for wisdom in handling the whole situation. Thank you all for praying!
Reach my home at 1445, went in, saw some marks on my window grills, saw that my collections of loose coins are all gone, seeing my mum crying as she try her best to share her painful experience of losing all her precious jewelery that was passed down by my grandmothers and her grandmother.
Police came to take her testimony, Inspectors came and asked me questions about my whereabouts and some family history, the experts came later at 4plus pm to find leads, take some sample for DNA, photos of the crime scenes.
Went for dinner with my mum and sister-in-law, bought more food than usual, to assure my mum that even though she lost her jewelery and some cash, she still got food to eat, she still got 2 sons loving and caring for her. All is not lost!
The ultimatum came when she told me that she wants to die. Then did I realized that it was quite a heavy blow on her, to lost the sense of hope, all that she is holding on, was the world she is living and the framework that she was brought up with - possessions!
The following statement seems to suggest that I am quite cruel with my words, but I guess it came out from a loving heart that does not want her to go into depression. "Ma, is your life only worth the value of your jewelery? There are so many who wants to live, especially those who lost all their house and their family members in the recent Taiwan typhoon, they still want to live!"
I want to change her paradigm on sufferings. Many people had suffer big time, but yet they still want to live. Why should we die because we lost our property, our money, our very possessions that we hold dearly? I believe what I said was harsh, hard but yet truth in some sense.
Losing her dear possessions does not mean the end of the earth! The world is still revolving, so it means that we should continue to live even though we are facing sufferings! Very tough to live, but Christ did not promise a life that is completely trouble-free life! And as a Christian myself, I need to see that sufferings and injustices are part of the testing of my faith!
On 3rd September, we had day of prayer. I was thinking, "Why does bad things happens to godly people?" Heard of this book title before? This is what I have been thinking all day!
My answer? A test of faith as I spend time reflecting on the book of Job, just reading the first 3 chapters was comforting enough! Job lost his possessions, his children, all of them in a short frame of time!
In Job 2: 9-10, His wife said to him, "Are you still holding on to your integrity? Curse God and die!" He replied, "You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.
It is so easy, isn't it? To Curse God! The easy way always seems to be the better way, but is it true? Job's wife challenges Job, indirectly challenging God!
But hear the words of Job, "Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" What is even more beautiful, was Job did not sin in what he said!
I am not Job to begin with, I know it is tough mentally to continue to praise God even in this situation! Logically, I could not thought of any reason to praise God! But praising God comes from a grateful heart, a heart that desire to obey God even in tough situation like this at home. Spiritually tough as well, for I am praying what is God trying to teach me in the midst of this incident that I strongly believed that it is definitely part of God's Sovereignty plan.
What I have learnt...
Sufferings that we faced is not because of our sins that many would suggest, but sufferings are part of the Gospel message - the suffering Messiah! Sufferings are a test of our faith just like in the context of Job, whose body was full of painful sores but had not cruse God!
These are refining moments that we are facing as a family, but we need to continue to trust in the goodness of God in the midst of trial, to endure it, to embrace it so that we can be totally refine, constantly molded by God just like what is mentioned in 1 Peter 1:6-9,
In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
Can be praying that my mum would come to know the Lord despite of this incident! Knowing that sufferings are part of being a Christian.
God is at work in breaking into my mother's heart! Breaking into deeply where it hurts the most...Yet sometimes when it hurts the most, we understood what really matters to us...
All glory belongs to God and God alone! Amen!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Learning lessons for this season...
In my first month of my second year, I was tested in the area of my character, my convictions as a believer. What it means to practice what I preach.
Realized that very much in my own heart, looking at things that is happening, I wonder as I asked God, what is the learning lesson during this challenging period. Why do I say that it is challenging at the first place? Cause of my heart was tempted at 5am in the morning, I receive a phone call, "Ron, I want you badly, I need you now, can we go out tonight?" in a tone that was tempting, that I literally jumped out of the bed!
After asking for more details of the caller, and I try to check the authenticity of the person, realized that it was a prank call, as I try to dig deeper and call back to the person at 11am. And since then, I did not received any of such phone call.
After I put down the phone, I was tempted in my heart, to play with the idea, to think that there is someone who is really interested in me. But the more I think about it, the more my heart was challenged, to continue to dwell on it? No! I went into a time of prayer till 6am. It was a long hour of prayer, to struggle with my heart's emotions to entertain the thoughts was dangerous, but yet in the grace of God. The hour of prayer seems to be a refreshing one for my heart, my soul was at peace with the decision of not dwelling into the caller and the voice that is drawing every part of me as a man to want to meet her at that hour! A test of integrity!
The other incident in short, my wallet was picked. But the lesson that I learnt was more precious than anything that I could think of! In the parable of the unmerciful servant, which talks about a servant's debt was cleared by the master unconditionally, but yet he is unwilling to clear the fellow servant's debt. When my wallet was picked, I was so angry! My heart was full of anger! More importantly, I was determined to find out the thief!
Yet the next afternoon, I was spending time with the Lord, thinking and praying to the Lord, asking him, why would such things happen to me, twice in a week, in the month of July!
As I pray and reflect that day, the Lord reveals to me through the parable of the adulteress, context is that the Pharisees of that day and the teachers of the law came and brought before Jesus the woman. Jesus drawn on the sand, saying, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." What an important and powerful verse to me! It taught me a great truth and condition of my heart.
My heart is seriously struggling to forgive the person, even though I do not know the person. But my heart was challenged to the max, to cast the stone even though I am a sinner! This move was so tempting! I guess the Lord challenged my heart to forgive the person, not to see myself as a saint, but rather as a sinner as well!
Through this encounter, it seems that the Lord has done an operation in my heart, from unwilling to forgive, to a heart which totally understood that I am a sinner first, then I am first forgiven by Christ and have a relationship. To have any form of bitterness in my heart is to said that my righteousness is higher and greater than God's.
A refreshing encounter, a fruitful time that I could have with the Lord. Losing a hundred is nothing, compared to the time spend with the Lord.
Realized that very much in my own heart, looking at things that is happening, I wonder as I asked God, what is the learning lesson during this challenging period. Why do I say that it is challenging at the first place? Cause of my heart was tempted at 5am in the morning, I receive a phone call, "Ron, I want you badly, I need you now, can we go out tonight?" in a tone that was tempting, that I literally jumped out of the bed!
After asking for more details of the caller, and I try to check the authenticity of the person, realized that it was a prank call, as I try to dig deeper and call back to the person at 11am. And since then, I did not received any of such phone call.
After I put down the phone, I was tempted in my heart, to play with the idea, to think that there is someone who is really interested in me. But the more I think about it, the more my heart was challenged, to continue to dwell on it? No! I went into a time of prayer till 6am. It was a long hour of prayer, to struggle with my heart's emotions to entertain the thoughts was dangerous, but yet in the grace of God. The hour of prayer seems to be a refreshing one for my heart, my soul was at peace with the decision of not dwelling into the caller and the voice that is drawing every part of me as a man to want to meet her at that hour! A test of integrity!
The other incident in short, my wallet was picked. But the lesson that I learnt was more precious than anything that I could think of! In the parable of the unmerciful servant, which talks about a servant's debt was cleared by the master unconditionally, but yet he is unwilling to clear the fellow servant's debt. When my wallet was picked, I was so angry! My heart was full of anger! More importantly, I was determined to find out the thief!
Yet the next afternoon, I was spending time with the Lord, thinking and praying to the Lord, asking him, why would such things happen to me, twice in a week, in the month of July!
As I pray and reflect that day, the Lord reveals to me through the parable of the adulteress, context is that the Pharisees of that day and the teachers of the law came and brought before Jesus the woman. Jesus drawn on the sand, saying, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her." What an important and powerful verse to me! It taught me a great truth and condition of my heart.
My heart is seriously struggling to forgive the person, even though I do not know the person. But my heart was challenged to the max, to cast the stone even though I am a sinner! This move was so tempting! I guess the Lord challenged my heart to forgive the person, not to see myself as a saint, but rather as a sinner as well!
Through this encounter, it seems that the Lord has done an operation in my heart, from unwilling to forgive, to a heart which totally understood that I am a sinner first, then I am first forgiven by Christ and have a relationship. To have any form of bitterness in my heart is to said that my righteousness is higher and greater than God's.
A refreshing encounter, a fruitful time that I could have with the Lord. Losing a hundred is nothing, compared to the time spend with the Lord.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Heart Preparation...
I had no peace when the school starts last week as i prepared for the retreat games, start to move into TTC hostel, unpacking and cleaning my room. Setting new students as a new level of students are formed, helping them to settle into the college. Working on planning schedule for the cluster. For me, once i settle in, I myself is also at fault, for I took time to catch up with people in the hostel, especially international students.
heart preparation! A question that i asked myself whether am i well-prepared for the semester, and more important, the year ahead! was thinking hard, praying hard, why is my heart unsettled for the coming year?!
What is going through my heart? I got all my clothes, my essential things all ready for the class to start, got my books in advance, got not much problem staying in college, got things that keeps me occupy despite of nothing much to prepared. All set for the coming year! But my heart still got some reservations coming into the new year.
I went to meet my church mates over the weekend, meeting so many people, yet i have not spend time meeting the most important person in my life... i have prepared everything for the studies, but i have not prepare my heart...
Since last week till this week, i have been thinking and praying, thinking about the life of Nehemiah, as i slowly chew on the book. Some ideas came to my mind and settle my heart as i pen down some thoughts for my coming year...
heart preparation! A question that i asked myself whether am i well-prepared for the semester, and more important, the year ahead! was thinking hard, praying hard, why is my heart unsettled for the coming year?!
What is going through my heart? I got all my clothes, my essential things all ready for the class to start, got my books in advance, got not much problem staying in college, got things that keeps me occupy despite of nothing much to prepared. All set for the coming year! But my heart still got some reservations coming into the new year.
I went to meet my church mates over the weekend, meeting so many people, yet i have not spend time meeting the most important person in my life... i have prepared everything for the studies, but i have not prepare my heart...
Since last week till this week, i have been thinking and praying, thinking about the life of Nehemiah, as i slowly chew on the book. Some ideas came to my mind and settle my heart as i pen down some thoughts for my coming year...
- Perseverance in obeying God
- Presence of God through praying
- Praise God in all situation
- Principle strengthen through the dwelling in the word of God
- People oriented ministry
- Thank God for his grace for last semester results, i did better than my 1st semester!
- Pray for my mum, that her heart would be open to the Lord, as i intentionally want to bring her to church on Sundays, pray for a Chinese church near my place! =). We have been talking about life, death, heaven, hell, Christianity, grace and faith for the past month!
- Pray for my heart as stated above...=).
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Surrender...
Surrender, what a word! it is never easy to surrender to know something that you love greatly, but you have to surrender it to the Lord. Was reading a book titled, "Absolute surrender" by Andrew Murray.
if surrendering were an easy thing to do, then when Christ surrendered himself to God the Father, he had to surrender his right to his father, to die on the cross, it was the ultimate test for our Lord Jesus Christ! It was also the test of Christ's love towards his father! One would love, learnt to surrender his rights!
the test of one's love is to his willing first to surrender. secondly, one will gives off his all to the Lord. and finally, trusting in the faithfulness of God that God knows the best for our lives.
with this, i have learnt to surrender my rights in exchange of your prefect will to be done in my life. i know it is definitely and very difficult process, it will pain my heart to learn to surrender, but i am not willing, O Lord, would you help me to be willing.
Help me in my unbelief, knowing that you have the final authority in my life, but not willing to put my faith in your steadfast love! Teach me to constantly trust in You and You alone! Not to believe that i am in control. Teach me to surrender, O Lord!
You are my Lord, let my heart and mind be totally Yours, this is what i prayed...
if surrendering were an easy thing to do, then when Christ surrendered himself to God the Father, he had to surrender his right to his father, to die on the cross, it was the ultimate test for our Lord Jesus Christ! It was also the test of Christ's love towards his father! One would love, learnt to surrender his rights!
the test of one's love is to his willing first to surrender. secondly, one will gives off his all to the Lord. and finally, trusting in the faithfulness of God that God knows the best for our lives.
with this, i have learnt to surrender my rights in exchange of your prefect will to be done in my life. i know it is definitely and very difficult process, it will pain my heart to learn to surrender, but i am not willing, O Lord, would you help me to be willing.
Help me in my unbelief, knowing that you have the final authority in my life, but not willing to put my faith in your steadfast love! Teach me to constantly trust in You and You alone! Not to believe that i am in control. Teach me to surrender, O Lord!
You are my Lord, let my heart and mind be totally Yours, this is what i prayed...
Monday, June 15, 2009
Moments like these...
I miss the moments when I sleep in your lap as you tell me about Bible stories...
I miss the moments when I see you casting nets...
I miss the moments when we had so much fun at the roof-top planting vegetables...
I miss the moments when we had so many time together at the Airport...
I miss the moments when you told me that I am your precious son...
I miss the moments when you forgiven me and tell me it is okay when I did wrong, you loved me...
I miss the moments when we went out to fish in the middle of the night...
I miss the moments when the many visits to Jack's place, talking, bouncing ideas on life and God...
I miss the moments when I went to visit you at SGH...
I miss the moments a lot, because it is with you that really matters...
I miss the moments, but i miss you more than anything else...
Moments and memories are meant to be created and treasured and never erased...
Thank you O Lord for moments and memories...that we can remembered of Your Great Faithfulness and Love...
I miss the moments when I see you casting nets...
I miss the moments when we had so much fun at the roof-top planting vegetables...
I miss the moments when we had so many time together at the Airport...
I miss the moments when you told me that I am your precious son...
I miss the moments when you forgiven me and tell me it is okay when I did wrong, you loved me...
I miss the moments when we went out to fish in the middle of the night...
I miss the moments when the many visits to Jack's place, talking, bouncing ideas on life and God...
I miss the moments when I went to visit you at SGH...
I miss the moments a lot, because it is with you that really matters...
I miss the moments, but i miss you more than anything else...
Moments and memories are meant to be created and treasured and never erased...
Thank you O Lord for moments and memories...that we can remembered of Your Great Faithfulness and Love...
The measure of an hour!!!
How do you know that your pastor is not there to clock the hours? I suppose this question, many people would ask, many pastors have sometimes fall into the trap of going to office each day, to just clock the hours. I believe that this can be extended to our daily life, in our ministry that we are so-called actively serving, when we are helping others in terms of acts of kindness. When we are doing our work, working on our assignments, essays, serving in the army, many times, we fail to give off our all to what we are entrusted to do.
Many a times, I myself feel this way as well! Recently, I have been reflecting and thinking, will there be a time when the pastor goes to hospital to visit his members just for clocking the hours there? There are so many things that demands a pastor's time, would he just go through the motion and just do it like what Nike strongly advocate for! Just do it?! Or do it with the right motivation and heart? One can just do it, but unwilling! The other can really do it with the right attitude and perspective.
The question of motivation, the heart of the pastor comes into the picture.
Recently, I knows of a pastor who I dearly respect and loved, I went with him to a hospital to visit a critical ill person. The pastor only allows himself to visit the person for one hour, for there is much more things to do in his to-do list. I thought to myself on the way there, why only spend 1 hour there, would it be better for us to stay a little longer there and minister to him?
I witnessed and fall into tears in my heart when I heard the conversation of the pastor and the man, I realized that one hour is sufficient, for the man was very tired due to the illness. He is constantly fighting for his survival, to take one more breath, to spend some more time with his family, and of course, his dear wife, who is recovering from a critical illness as well. This couple dearly loved each other, which makes departing even more difficult.
But what was amazing, there was a great friendship and respect between the pastor and the man!
The pastor was not just there to clock the hour, but he went all out for the man, to ask him to surrender all to God. Whether he is alive and dead, it belongs to God and therefore pray together with him as the pastor held firmly on his hand, a personally touch that totally changed my perspective of the 1 hour! And definitely, the yardstick of time can never measured with the quantity of hours, but the quality of the hour spend itself! The pastor must have spend many moments building this very deep relationship with the man, for he spoke of the greatest and most challenging topic a critical man would not want to talk on, death.
Surely, this is not a pastor who just spend one hour to clock his time, but fully maximized his many 1 hour(s) with all that he had with his people. Quality vs Quantity.
This pastor went with all out with a personal touch, with very strong relationship with his members, a pastor who sincerely love his people, for you can tell if one is there to clock the hour.
A quote from my bible study leader in church, whom I greatly respected after Playmax on Friday and Saturday, Meng Kim talking to his daugther as fetching me back, "Darling, there are many people work, but only a few worked. And those who work are going home."
With this, many of us can do things for the sake of doing, but if we put everything in perspective, we are serving the Living God! So the pastor really ministered from his heart, not clocking the hours. The man and his wife spend countless hours of quality time that touch many couples, but also makes separation harder, but this is their extent of love - quality time! Meng Kim surely did not just clock the hour, he gave all that he had for the ministry that he love and was entrusted to him.
Commitment! Love! All! HEART!
O Lord, teach me to committed to relationship with a pastoral heart, to love your people like the couple who loved each other dearly, to give my all to your entrusted ministry.
Many a times, I myself feel this way as well! Recently, I have been reflecting and thinking, will there be a time when the pastor goes to hospital to visit his members just for clocking the hours there? There are so many things that demands a pastor's time, would he just go through the motion and just do it like what Nike strongly advocate for! Just do it?! Or do it with the right motivation and heart? One can just do it, but unwilling! The other can really do it with the right attitude and perspective.
The question of motivation, the heart of the pastor comes into the picture.
Recently, I knows of a pastor who I dearly respect and loved, I went with him to a hospital to visit a critical ill person. The pastor only allows himself to visit the person for one hour, for there is much more things to do in his to-do list. I thought to myself on the way there, why only spend 1 hour there, would it be better for us to stay a little longer there and minister to him?
I witnessed and fall into tears in my heart when I heard the conversation of the pastor and the man, I realized that one hour is sufficient, for the man was very tired due to the illness. He is constantly fighting for his survival, to take one more breath, to spend some more time with his family, and of course, his dear wife, who is recovering from a critical illness as well. This couple dearly loved each other, which makes departing even more difficult.
But what was amazing, there was a great friendship and respect between the pastor and the man!
The pastor was not just there to clock the hour, but he went all out for the man, to ask him to surrender all to God. Whether he is alive and dead, it belongs to God and therefore pray together with him as the pastor held firmly on his hand, a personally touch that totally changed my perspective of the 1 hour! And definitely, the yardstick of time can never measured with the quantity of hours, but the quality of the hour spend itself! The pastor must have spend many moments building this very deep relationship with the man, for he spoke of the greatest and most challenging topic a critical man would not want to talk on, death.
Surely, this is not a pastor who just spend one hour to clock his time, but fully maximized his many 1 hour(s) with all that he had with his people. Quality vs Quantity.
This pastor went with all out with a personal touch, with very strong relationship with his members, a pastor who sincerely love his people, for you can tell if one is there to clock the hour.
A quote from my bible study leader in church, whom I greatly respected after Playmax on Friday and Saturday, Meng Kim talking to his daugther as fetching me back, "Darling, there are many people work, but only a few worked. And those who work are going home."
With this, many of us can do things for the sake of doing, but if we put everything in perspective, we are serving the Living God! So the pastor really ministered from his heart, not clocking the hours. The man and his wife spend countless hours of quality time that touch many couples, but also makes separation harder, but this is their extent of love - quality time! Meng Kim surely did not just clock the hour, he gave all that he had for the ministry that he love and was entrusted to him.
Commitment! Love! All! HEART!
O Lord, teach me to committed to relationship with a pastoral heart, to love your people like the couple who loved each other dearly, to give my all to your entrusted ministry.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Quote of the day...
"If you read history you will find out that the Christians who did most for the present world were precisely those who thought most of the next." - C. S. Lewis
"Our old history ends with the cross; our new history begins with the resurrection." - Watchman Nee
"Our old history ends with the cross; our new history begins with the resurrection." - Watchman Nee
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
"Enjoy your bible too as you prepare."
I m preparing a message on "overcoming rebellion," this framework is taken from Neil Anderson's book, Restored. This will leads to submission, pride and surrendering to the Lordship of Christ. I m very anxious, yet excited to speak on this topic, but i realized that submission and pride has also been my constant challenge for my own spiritual life. When i accept this preaching 1 week ago, never did i know, i was in for a ride of my own.
realized that before i could think, write or even prepare, i did not have any peace of God. went to my favorite place, Coffee Bean at Sing Post at Paya Lebar, as i m writing on my journal and i was encouraged by this sms, "Enjoy your bible too as you prepare." I was in the midst of writing down my thoughts of asking how i find it hard to prepare for this message. I saw the late entry of my journal, it was one month ago!
Then i understood by this phrase as i pray to understand this phrase, "Enjoy your bible as you prepare." I guess it was the longest time since i really enjoy reading, processing, reflecting the bible in depth as i journal. digging deep down, realized the month of May was a crazy month for me, writing so many papers, which i enjoy as well, but i was left without time to journal my QTs.
"Enjoy your Bible as you prepare"...what a quote! what a moment of refreshment, as i write down my thoughts about the passage that i want to speak on. Digging was the best part of journaling, to think, to circle and play with the words, thinking about application along the way, thinking about what is the main idea of the text, to understand what the author desires to portray and to teach its readers.
Conclusion of tonight's preparation, "Enjoy your Bible as you prepare!" When was the last time you really enjoy your bible as you prepare the word of God for correcting, rebuking, teaching and admonishing in love?
realized that before i could think, write or even prepare, i did not have any peace of God. went to my favorite place, Coffee Bean at Sing Post at Paya Lebar, as i m writing on my journal and i was encouraged by this sms, "Enjoy your bible too as you prepare." I was in the midst of writing down my thoughts of asking how i find it hard to prepare for this message. I saw the late entry of my journal, it was one month ago!
Then i understood by this phrase as i pray to understand this phrase, "Enjoy your bible as you prepare." I guess it was the longest time since i really enjoy reading, processing, reflecting the bible in depth as i journal. digging deep down, realized the month of May was a crazy month for me, writing so many papers, which i enjoy as well, but i was left without time to journal my QTs.
"Enjoy your Bible as you prepare"...what a quote! what a moment of refreshment, as i write down my thoughts about the passage that i want to speak on. Digging was the best part of journaling, to think, to circle and play with the words, thinking about application along the way, thinking about what is the main idea of the text, to understand what the author desires to portray and to teach its readers.
Conclusion of tonight's preparation, "Enjoy your Bible as you prepare!" When was the last time you really enjoy your bible as you prepare the word of God for correcting, rebuking, teaching and admonishing in love?
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Silence is not the absence of love...
It has been one month since I last enter any updates on my life. Time really flies by you, especially when everything comes to you at a fast speed, so fast that i can hardly breath. but yet it is in madness of rushing for assignments, papers, exam (that finished today!), the Lord is speaking clearly. The reading of many textbooks, many volumes of biography of Hudson Taylor and the bible, all these had ministered to me, refreshes me spiritually, emotionally and physically.
i think this one month, my prayer life has been challenge for i reading D.A. Carson's book titled, "A call to spiritual reformation." During the Good Friday and that weekend totally off from doing my assignments, as i felt that a burnt out is on its way to visit me. A burnt out that almost forced me out of ministry, out of school, and wanting to run away from everything that i know about, everything that i care about, everything that i love! It starts with a silence of prayer in my heart...to repent...
Burnt out is on its way, due to my lack of sleep, tiredness for i am working late nights to finish my assignments on time, catching up on lost time. I even told my close friend in college, that i just want to go for a holiday and take a break from school! at this moment, i realized that my heart is tired and badly wounded. Realized that everything demands my time, life still goes on even after my father's death! WOW! It was that bad, that my mind becomes a devil's playground, started to have negative thoughts, things like, "Ron, you are in a Christian College, yet no one asked you how are you coping with the lost of your father, no one loves you, no one, not even your closet friends even asked you out for coffee and chat with you. The church that you serve still demand from you, and did not asked you whether you need a break or not. The pastors that are suppose to be your shepherds, they are not even leading you." What lies!
"Ron, no one really loves you!" This is the ultimate pouch line for me that is constantly playing in my mind, slowly my heart is buying into the idea as well.
Yet later on the same week, I met up with my two pastors that i am attached to, we had a good time of talk and sharing, evaluating my ministry in the church. Realized that they really did care for me, they really love, but sometimes they know that i needed the space, yet they knew that i needed the time to work on my assignments. So therefore waiting patiently for me to open up when i needed to. Love express in silence is gold!
This month i took a different slant in terms of balancing my time, my lifestyle, my commitments, all of them i have re-prioritize them again. Spending time in prayer was the main focus for the past month, spending a lot of time praying, and to be re-charge through prayer. Reflecting and spending more time going for runs! And now i can run up to 5km without stopping, but at a very slow pace, of course! yeah!
Giving time to my mother was one of my greatest priority during this season! i really think that i have neglected her too much, cause i have been using almost all my free time during weekends working on my essays. I speak to my mother only when i am at home, seriously, i feel very sad and guilty, what kind of a son i am, saying that i am a Christian, focus so much on studies, yet did not spend time at home and even with her. Took her out on one of the Saturday, went out for shopping, she was overjoyed, despite of going at 7pm, talking to her and buying stuff for the home, just really make her day, then i realized how badly she needed to be with me as well, even though each time, she said, "Ron, go and study, mum understand it, you need to catch up."
What a mother, who is constantly thinking about her son, than her son thinking of her. What love! A love that can only be found in Naomi, a bible character, who asked her widowed daughter in law to remarry and settle down. What love was shown. O Lord, grant me thy love to response to my mother like Ruth. To love her back with the kind of love that is shown to me.
At mother's day, went out with my mum, elder brother, sister-in-law, my grandma and my mother's younger brother. I could see that my mother enjoyed the time we had, went to one of her favorite place for dinner at Bukit Timah, where it serves good curry fish head! =). But sadly the conversation on our journey to the makan place, my mum asked me, whether she should sell the house.
i told her, if you sell the house, where you going to stay? She said that stay with my elder brother, i said, good then. but she continues, i am going for holiday and not work, so that i can rest. but the rationale of not working does not work well with me. cause i believe that she will be so bored for she got so much time, too much time to kill that i think she will be bored to death. All she wanted is a holiday with the whole family at the end of it. i said good, will try to find time together, but no need to sell your home!
only when we reached home that night, only left with the two of us, then i found out why she asked the question about moving house and to get the money? She said, it was a test of love, a test who really love me in the family. I was like, WHAT! why do you doubt our love for you? i asked.
This is done, to test your love towards me.
My mother told me, love is not just showing love outwardly by doing things for people to see, but rather love very much starts from the heart and you have shown me that you loves me by asking me not to sell the house since a few years ago and today again. She said, "When you are at home, you do not talk to me much, for when we talk, we usually talk over meals or at night when i come back from work. You may be quiet at home, doing your own things, but one thing for sure, i need to know that you love me."
Love is not done for the world to know, but in the quietness, especially when in silence of prayers, love is not absent. God is not absent in this season of my life, for He knows, and that is what really matters for me. The silence hours of prayer of Jesus is done out of love, not for the world to see. For love is not absent in silence, but rather in silence, that could be the greatest manifestation of love itself and in its totality.
Thank you all for your silence prayers, your unknown love for me as you give me space to breathe! Really greatly appreciated it! I know that I am love by you all who read my blog, through your small acts, your unspoken friendship, and most important, your silence prayers!
O Lord, teach me to pray in silence and in love like You did. Amen...
i think this one month, my prayer life has been challenge for i reading D.A. Carson's book titled, "A call to spiritual reformation." During the Good Friday and that weekend totally off from doing my assignments, as i felt that a burnt out is on its way to visit me. A burnt out that almost forced me out of ministry, out of school, and wanting to run away from everything that i know about, everything that i care about, everything that i love! It starts with a silence of prayer in my heart...to repent...
Burnt out is on its way, due to my lack of sleep, tiredness for i am working late nights to finish my assignments on time, catching up on lost time. I even told my close friend in college, that i just want to go for a holiday and take a break from school! at this moment, i realized that my heart is tired and badly wounded. Realized that everything demands my time, life still goes on even after my father's death! WOW! It was that bad, that my mind becomes a devil's playground, started to have negative thoughts, things like, "Ron, you are in a Christian College, yet no one asked you how are you coping with the lost of your father, no one loves you, no one, not even your closet friends even asked you out for coffee and chat with you. The church that you serve still demand from you, and did not asked you whether you need a break or not. The pastors that are suppose to be your shepherds, they are not even leading you." What lies!
"Ron, no one really loves you!" This is the ultimate pouch line for me that is constantly playing in my mind, slowly my heart is buying into the idea as well.
Yet later on the same week, I met up with my two pastors that i am attached to, we had a good time of talk and sharing, evaluating my ministry in the church. Realized that they really did care for me, they really love, but sometimes they know that i needed the space, yet they knew that i needed the time to work on my assignments. So therefore waiting patiently for me to open up when i needed to. Love express in silence is gold!
This month i took a different slant in terms of balancing my time, my lifestyle, my commitments, all of them i have re-prioritize them again. Spending time in prayer was the main focus for the past month, spending a lot of time praying, and to be re-charge through prayer. Reflecting and spending more time going for runs! And now i can run up to 5km without stopping, but at a very slow pace, of course! yeah!
Giving time to my mother was one of my greatest priority during this season! i really think that i have neglected her too much, cause i have been using almost all my free time during weekends working on my essays. I speak to my mother only when i am at home, seriously, i feel very sad and guilty, what kind of a son i am, saying that i am a Christian, focus so much on studies, yet did not spend time at home and even with her. Took her out on one of the Saturday, went out for shopping, she was overjoyed, despite of going at 7pm, talking to her and buying stuff for the home, just really make her day, then i realized how badly she needed to be with me as well, even though each time, she said, "Ron, go and study, mum understand it, you need to catch up."
What a mother, who is constantly thinking about her son, than her son thinking of her. What love! A love that can only be found in Naomi, a bible character, who asked her widowed daughter in law to remarry and settle down. What love was shown. O Lord, grant me thy love to response to my mother like Ruth. To love her back with the kind of love that is shown to me.
At mother's day, went out with my mum, elder brother, sister-in-law, my grandma and my mother's younger brother. I could see that my mother enjoyed the time we had, went to one of her favorite place for dinner at Bukit Timah, where it serves good curry fish head! =). But sadly the conversation on our journey to the makan place, my mum asked me, whether she should sell the house.
i told her, if you sell the house, where you going to stay? She said that stay with my elder brother, i said, good then. but she continues, i am going for holiday and not work, so that i can rest. but the rationale of not working does not work well with me. cause i believe that she will be so bored for she got so much time, too much time to kill that i think she will be bored to death. All she wanted is a holiday with the whole family at the end of it. i said good, will try to find time together, but no need to sell your home!
only when we reached home that night, only left with the two of us, then i found out why she asked the question about moving house and to get the money? She said, it was a test of love, a test who really love me in the family. I was like, WHAT! why do you doubt our love for you? i asked.
This is done, to test your love towards me.
My mother told me, love is not just showing love outwardly by doing things for people to see, but rather love very much starts from the heart and you have shown me that you loves me by asking me not to sell the house since a few years ago and today again. She said, "When you are at home, you do not talk to me much, for when we talk, we usually talk over meals or at night when i come back from work. You may be quiet at home, doing your own things, but one thing for sure, i need to know that you love me."
Love is not done for the world to know, but in the quietness, especially when in silence of prayers, love is not absent. God is not absent in this season of my life, for He knows, and that is what really matters for me. The silence hours of prayer of Jesus is done out of love, not for the world to see. For love is not absent in silence, but rather in silence, that could be the greatest manifestation of love itself and in its totality.
Thank you all for your silence prayers, your unknown love for me as you give me space to breathe! Really greatly appreciated it! I know that I am love by you all who read my blog, through your small acts, your unspoken friendship, and most important, your silence prayers!
O Lord, teach me to pray in silence and in love like You did. Amen...
Sunday, April 12, 2009
When you dig deep, what you found?
Wow! What a season in EPL! Liverpool is catching up on Man U! It is getting tigher each game! Liverpool won a game, top the table, within 24 hours Man U regain the top spot in soccer's most watched league.
Wow! This is my season I suppose! Definitely Man U is my current season! Things getting tighter each day, each day is a totally different challenge! When the demands for you to performance like a club like Man U, the fans and the management don't expect you to quit despite of its challenges like lacking in many top players who are injured and suspended, not forgetting that Liverpool is hot on your heels! Life in EPL must go on! You can't say that because of your players are injured and suspended, therefore the soccer race got to pause and stop!
Sir Alex Ferguson looks to his reserves and boy, he dig deep into his squad and found gold - Kiko Macheda, a 17 year old Portugal wonder kid who struck two goals in a week and allow Man U to top EPL. Digging deep when all is against you.
Digging deep. The grace of God is what I need. Digging deep, what does it means for me? When challenges coming my way like the wave is coming stronger, and the next wave is coming greater than the one before, like a Tsunami. It will hit you at where it hurts the most! This season had been really hard, essays deadlines are just one after the other, the demands of ministry is forever there, the need to be at home and spend time with family yet balance with my closest friends. "Bite the bullet, Ron!" encouraged by my friend. But my mind plays with my heart, "Go for a break, Ron! TTC should understand what you are going thru', you badly need a break, afterall you have not rested since 22nd Feb, you ought to rest!"
Digging deep when it hurts you the most...would there be gold? This season, I am learning what it means to dig deep, when all is coming my way at the speed unimaginable. But when there is a shortcut, would you do it to settle for something less? Boy, it is tempting I must say! When is my reserve? I do not have a squad filled with talented youngsters like Man U. O Lord, where is it?
"Were not our hearts burning within us while he taked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?" Found in Luke 24:32, which is a cross-reference to Psalm 39:3 and Jeremiah 20:9 in the OT.
Recently, this verse came to my mind as I reflect and read on the death and resurrection of Christ during this period of Easter. Digging deep seems to have a different meaning for me this season, for I did not found gold, but God! Digging deep into the word of God, that it would keep my heart burning! On the verge of burning out and throwing the towel, digging deep into the word of God is what it matter the most!
God Almighty, let thy word dwell richly in me, recharge my soul, renew my strength, ministered and refresh my heart, O Gracious and Most High God. Let Your presence be with thy servant as I go through each day, each moment with You is what it really matters. Let each passing day be a testimony of Your grace and love. In God's absolute word that is manifested in Christ I prayed, amen.
Wow! This is my season I suppose! Definitely Man U is my current season! Things getting tighter each day, each day is a totally different challenge! When the demands for you to performance like a club like Man U, the fans and the management don't expect you to quit despite of its challenges like lacking in many top players who are injured and suspended, not forgetting that Liverpool is hot on your heels! Life in EPL must go on! You can't say that because of your players are injured and suspended, therefore the soccer race got to pause and stop!
Sir Alex Ferguson looks to his reserves and boy, he dig deep into his squad and found gold - Kiko Macheda, a 17 year old Portugal wonder kid who struck two goals in a week and allow Man U to top EPL. Digging deep when all is against you.
Digging deep. The grace of God is what I need. Digging deep, what does it means for me? When challenges coming my way like the wave is coming stronger, and the next wave is coming greater than the one before, like a Tsunami. It will hit you at where it hurts the most! This season had been really hard, essays deadlines are just one after the other, the demands of ministry is forever there, the need to be at home and spend time with family yet balance with my closest friends. "Bite the bullet, Ron!" encouraged by my friend. But my mind plays with my heart, "Go for a break, Ron! TTC should understand what you are going thru', you badly need a break, afterall you have not rested since 22nd Feb, you ought to rest!"
Digging deep when it hurts you the most...would there be gold? This season, I am learning what it means to dig deep, when all is coming my way at the speed unimaginable. But when there is a shortcut, would you do it to settle for something less? Boy, it is tempting I must say! When is my reserve? I do not have a squad filled with talented youngsters like Man U. O Lord, where is it?
"Were not our hearts burning within us while he taked with us on the road and opened the Scriptures to us?" Found in Luke 24:32, which is a cross-reference to Psalm 39:3 and Jeremiah 20:9 in the OT.
Recently, this verse came to my mind as I reflect and read on the death and resurrection of Christ during this period of Easter. Digging deep seems to have a different meaning for me this season, for I did not found gold, but God! Digging deep into the word of God, that it would keep my heart burning! On the verge of burning out and throwing the towel, digging deep into the word of God is what it matter the most!
God Almighty, let thy word dwell richly in me, recharge my soul, renew my strength, ministered and refresh my heart, O Gracious and Most High God. Let Your presence be with thy servant as I go through each day, each moment with You is what it really matters. Let each passing day be a testimony of Your grace and love. In God's absolute word that is manifested in Christ I prayed, amen.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Jesus loves me! this i know, for the Bible tells me so...
Simple yet profound statement.
Simple truth yet easily forgotten.
Simple understanding but my heart fails to understand.
Simple to teach but hard to experience.
Simple teaching of grace yet could not comprehend in its totality.
Simple love but expensive cost.
Simple I LOVE YOU, but i doubt YOU, sorry.
Simple Cross but difficult passion to endure.
Simple promise but never broken!
Simple love...Simple grace...Simple assurance...
Simple words that touched my heart...
Thank you, Heavenly Father for these assuring words, I LOVE YOU...this is enough!
Simple truth yet easily forgotten.
Simple understanding but my heart fails to understand.
Simple to teach but hard to experience.
Simple teaching of grace yet could not comprehend in its totality.
Simple love but expensive cost.
Simple I LOVE YOU, but i doubt YOU, sorry.
Simple Cross but difficult passion to endure.
Simple promise but never broken!
Simple love...Simple grace...Simple assurance...
Simple words that touched my heart...
Thank you, Heavenly Father for these assuring words, I LOVE YOU...this is enough!
Thursday, April 2, 2009
How is my heart?
The temple of God, when the Lord Jesus Christ enters the temple of God in the context of Mark 11, that i heard yesterday in chapel. What a scene, when the Messiah came, he was disgusted about what is happening in the temple where worship cannot be found, reading of Scripture was not the primary focus of the synagogue and definitely praying is not in the agenda of the church then. For their focus is definitely about earning money via buying and selling of doves.
The Old Testament's temple is where God Almighty dwell richly in, where his presence is with his people, and now we are living in the time of New Testament, so therefore where is the temple of God? Through the Rev Dr. Samuel Lee's message yesterday, he challenges how is our temple of God, for we are now in New Testament, which translates into our body.
Questions as challenge by him:
The Old Testament's temple is where God Almighty dwell richly in, where his presence is with his people, and now we are living in the time of New Testament, so therefore where is the temple of God? Through the Rev Dr. Samuel Lee's message yesterday, he challenges how is our temple of God, for we are now in New Testament, which translates into our body.
Questions as challenge by him:
- How is my temple?
- What does the Lord looks at my heart?
- Do I only not sin the greatest sin but sin the smallest sin of my heart?
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Amazing...isn't it?
In Ephesians 2:8-9, it state it was purely by grace, by the amazing grace of God, we are called into the kingdom of God, and finally to understand God's grace, is not to earn it, but to response to the grace that was shown.
We have received grace so that we can response to God in his grace...if God's grace could be earn in any sense, then God's grace would not be grace...Thank you for the amazing grace, the lesson learnt during my dad's wake...painful, but needful and grateful for what has happen as i recall the whole journey, it was grace, that we know of a God so high that is found at the cross. Amazing! Unbelievable! Shocking yet so simple.
Thank you, O Lord that i do not need to do anything more to earn your grace especially in times of studying, so many backlogs, the readings is definitely beyond me, the essays it seems never ending...but it was this grace, that my heart response in grace and not taking God's grace for granted. Momentum is the still the word in this season, to have the consistency in all that i do, teach me O Lord, to response in God's grace and not taking God's grace for granted, O Lord!
William Wilberforce, an English that fought against the use of African slavery during his time. It was this movie that struck my heart and the meaning of grace. Brought up as a boy, taught by John Newton - a priest (i think), who wrote the amazing grace that we all know of! a song of sheer grace by God, if not for this, no one could stand in the presence of God and let alone enter his kingdom. Wilberforce, a man who is very sharp with his words, passionate about one thing - to fight against slavery, one who challenge the imperial courts to lift up the rights of slavery that the English and French are enjoying. Many African died on their way due to the conditions of the ship where ladies are rapes for the pleasure of man, where no medicine was given, the sick and weak are thrown overboard, a real test of survival in a place where man could not survive.
Wilberforce, felt the sense of calling to do what God's will for him as he sees vision of people trapped in chains, pleading for mercy and restoration of freedom! He fought countless times, each time with stronger and sharper points to free the man of Africa, but each time he lost badly. badly he came down, harder each time, more pain than the one fall earlier. In the movie, "Amazing grace", i do not know how true it is, but he had a wife that fuels his passion, a woman that stood by him when all chips are gone, a word from the wise lady, go for it, Wilberforce. It did great lifting for him, to know that his wife knows his calling, his passion, believe in what he would die for.
because of this, the rest is history, it was definitely a defining moment for him, to sleep in peace. Few would know of his history and what he did, a man who is passionate about the word - freedom. only when one understood the word - grace, would know the word - freedom! this inspire John Newton, a man would understood the meaning of these words in its totality as he wrote the inspiration song, Amazing Grace.
Christ's death on the cross, was full of grace and yet it was where all believers found freedom in this grace, no longer bound by the Law, but all the chains of Law was totally fulfill by the blood of Christ.
Amazing... Isn't it?
We have received grace so that we can response to God in his grace...if God's grace could be earn in any sense, then God's grace would not be grace...Thank you for the amazing grace, the lesson learnt during my dad's wake...painful, but needful and grateful for what has happen as i recall the whole journey, it was grace, that we know of a God so high that is found at the cross. Amazing! Unbelievable! Shocking yet so simple.
Thank you, O Lord that i do not need to do anything more to earn your grace especially in times of studying, so many backlogs, the readings is definitely beyond me, the essays it seems never ending...but it was this grace, that my heart response in grace and not taking God's grace for granted. Momentum is the still the word in this season, to have the consistency in all that i do, teach me O Lord, to response in God's grace and not taking God's grace for granted, O Lord!
William Wilberforce, an English that fought against the use of African slavery during his time. It was this movie that struck my heart and the meaning of grace. Brought up as a boy, taught by John Newton - a priest (i think), who wrote the amazing grace that we all know of! a song of sheer grace by God, if not for this, no one could stand in the presence of God and let alone enter his kingdom. Wilberforce, a man who is very sharp with his words, passionate about one thing - to fight against slavery, one who challenge the imperial courts to lift up the rights of slavery that the English and French are enjoying. Many African died on their way due to the conditions of the ship where ladies are rapes for the pleasure of man, where no medicine was given, the sick and weak are thrown overboard, a real test of survival in a place where man could not survive.
Wilberforce, felt the sense of calling to do what God's will for him as he sees vision of people trapped in chains, pleading for mercy and restoration of freedom! He fought countless times, each time with stronger and sharper points to free the man of Africa, but each time he lost badly. badly he came down, harder each time, more pain than the one fall earlier. In the movie, "Amazing grace", i do not know how true it is, but he had a wife that fuels his passion, a woman that stood by him when all chips are gone, a word from the wise lady, go for it, Wilberforce. It did great lifting for him, to know that his wife knows his calling, his passion, believe in what he would die for.
because of this, the rest is history, it was definitely a defining moment for him, to sleep in peace. Few would know of his history and what he did, a man who is passionate about the word - freedom. only when one understood the word - grace, would know the word - freedom! this inspire John Newton, a man would understood the meaning of these words in its totality as he wrote the inspiration song, Amazing Grace.
Christ's death on the cross, was full of grace and yet it was where all believers found freedom in this grace, no longer bound by the Law, but all the chains of Law was totally fulfill by the blood of Christ.
Amazing... Isn't it?
Friday, March 27, 2009
Chosen, Blessed, Brokenness...
As i finished preparing the sessions, i thought that it was shallow, lack of depth in terms of not going deep into the word of God. and what was surprising for me, where is Christ as i prepare on the life of David. i was shocked, surprised that i did not talk anything about Christ. i realized that it was so possible and true to prepare a seemingly Christian session without talking about Christ at all. for 2 years ago, i remember a mentor who teach me the word of God then, i prepared my message, then i present it to him. He challenges me gently, "Who is the center of your message? Where is Christ in your message?"
I was totally speechless, and it was there, i had the conviction to preach Christ in all my messages, which i think it is a must, so that i would be faithful to the word of God in its totality. For the OT points us to Christ while the NT is the fulfillment of Christ. And because of this, i thank you, O Lord that you gave me the wisdom and conviction to preach Christ at all cost.
as for the messages, i believe that it was not that shallow after all, as i m still learning the lessons that i shared, and it is simply amazing!
nuggets...
I was totally speechless, and it was there, i had the conviction to preach Christ in all my messages, which i think it is a must, so that i would be faithful to the word of God in its totality. For the OT points us to Christ while the NT is the fulfillment of Christ. And because of this, i thank you, O Lord that you gave me the wisdom and conviction to preach Christ at all cost.
as for the messages, i believe that it was not that shallow after all, as i m still learning the lessons that i shared, and it is simply amazing!
nuggets...
- God knows what you are going through, God asked you to be faithful.
- A blessed man who is one who recount blessings and act in faith in the faithfulness of God.
- Chosen yet broken for the kingdom of God, to be used for the kingdom of God and to preach the kingdom of God.
- Remember how blessed i am through the companions i have especially in times of need.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
Momentum...
I went for a cycle this evening, was a great time, chasing after bikers at East Coast Park, going at a top speed which i love the most when the wind blows at my face. What freedom! Gaining momentum to be at a constant speed to race with other bikers, friendly racing, catching up with each other, speeding off and changing gears remain the key moment that define the momentum. Learning to lap over each other without causing anyone injure is called Skill! =). I like~
One thing that i learnt from cycling tonight and throughout this season of mourning, which is to gain momentum, learning to cope with the death of my loved one. Learning to take one day at a time, but more importantly, each day is a surrender to God. Each day remind me of God's faithfulness. Each day has a new meaning for me. Each moment is a choice of surrendering.
I need to gain momentum for both spiritually and physically, learning to cope with this death. Even in these time of pain and lost, waking up in the middle of the night one night, realized that i am in tears, acknowledging that i miss my dad. What's new right?! =).
Momentum, what a word. O Lord, grant me the momentum i badly need for my studies, physically, emotionally and more importantly, spiritually. Grant me thy strength, wisdom, insights as i speak on Friday and Saturday for a youth camp. Let thy presence be felt through the preaching of Your word as You are the one who is speaking and not me. Let the cross be preached where love, compassion, grace and mercy is found through your living word through the life of David. Amen.
One thing that i learnt from cycling tonight and throughout this season of mourning, which is to gain momentum, learning to cope with the death of my loved one. Learning to take one day at a time, but more importantly, each day is a surrender to God. Each day remind me of God's faithfulness. Each day has a new meaning for me. Each moment is a choice of surrendering.
I need to gain momentum for both spiritually and physically, learning to cope with this death. Even in these time of pain and lost, waking up in the middle of the night one night, realized that i am in tears, acknowledging that i miss my dad. What's new right?! =).
Momentum, what a word. O Lord, grant me the momentum i badly need for my studies, physically, emotionally and more importantly, spiritually. Grant me thy strength, wisdom, insights as i speak on Friday and Saturday for a youth camp. Let thy presence be felt through the preaching of Your word as You are the one who is speaking and not me. Let the cross be preached where love, compassion, grace and mercy is found through your living word through the life of David. Amen.
Monday, March 9, 2009
One life will soon past, but only what's done for Christ will last...
"One man's death inspire another to live."
Here I am, looking at my father for the last time in Singapore Casket. This is the very moment, reality sunk in right into my heart and mind as though it is in the deep blue sea. My heart is crying out loud, but there are only tears coming down from my cheek without any sound, for I fear that it would drive my family into tears uncontrollably.
Walking down to the car, where we walk a distance before taking the bus to Mandai, I spend a great time of thinking and reflecting, what my dad meant to me. I knew him incomplete, and how this incompleteness leave my heart wanting to yearn more and more time with him. I wish I could had spend more time with him, I wish I could do this, I wish I could do that. For a while, "I wish" list began to be so long, that I began to question myself, Why would you wish so many things, while you have all eternity to worship God together with your dad, will it not be the greatest thing that happen?
Surrendering was never easy, it is a great struggle for me, to sing the song, "Amazing Grace" for the last time before he was pushed into the furnace of fire. What greatness of grace and mercy that man could come before the Lord. What irrestible grace, what amazing love, what wonderful mercy, what perfect King and Creator of the earth! What God! Yet there is another part of me, surrendering...surrendering my father to God, if there is any phrase would describe it, it would be, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" I believe it is same pain when Jesus Christ at his last breath on the cross, he who bears the sins of man, yet being obedient to God the Father, what obedience and humbleness of Christ. Yet he need to feel the pain of not being with God the Father for that moment. The pain, the anguish, the Savior of the world, felt in sharp pain, this is my heart cry of pain.
Therefore, does God the Father know the pain of all humanity - especially when our loved one move on, He knows and understand. Is Christianity therefore relevant? Absolutely yes in this pluralism world - where everything has lost its center of truth.
One man's death inspire another to live. The night when man returns to ashes, I went out and reflect. Thinking the meaning of life, the value of a man's life, the quality of a man's life, and at the same time, thinking and reflecting what 2 Timothy 4:7, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." This is what I have chosen for his inscription. Guess it is not so much for my dad, but it is more for me I suppose when I choose this verse.
A reminder to me, to preserve in all hardships, all of man's struggles and trials given by the Lord Jesus Christ. Looking at my dad's life, to hear that he was a pastor in younger days blow my mind away! WHAT! I could not believe it! No way! I was in denial when two pastors from the AOG came and told me, this truth was confirmed by my mum and elder brother. All of them knew, but I was totally in shocked for I did not know the truth! A reminder, a verse, a calling verse i suppose, a verse that challenge my mindset of life, fight, race and faith.
A commitment, a calling, a life surrender to his Kingship, his Lordship, his Sovereignty will through this challenging words of Paul.
One life will soon past, but only what's done for Christ will last...
Here I am, looking at my father for the last time in Singapore Casket. This is the very moment, reality sunk in right into my heart and mind as though it is in the deep blue sea. My heart is crying out loud, but there are only tears coming down from my cheek without any sound, for I fear that it would drive my family into tears uncontrollably.
Walking down to the car, where we walk a distance before taking the bus to Mandai, I spend a great time of thinking and reflecting, what my dad meant to me. I knew him incomplete, and how this incompleteness leave my heart wanting to yearn more and more time with him. I wish I could had spend more time with him, I wish I could do this, I wish I could do that. For a while, "I wish" list began to be so long, that I began to question myself, Why would you wish so many things, while you have all eternity to worship God together with your dad, will it not be the greatest thing that happen?
Surrendering was never easy, it is a great struggle for me, to sing the song, "Amazing Grace" for the last time before he was pushed into the furnace of fire. What greatness of grace and mercy that man could come before the Lord. What irrestible grace, what amazing love, what wonderful mercy, what perfect King and Creator of the earth! What God! Yet there is another part of me, surrendering...surrendering my father to God, if there is any phrase would describe it, it would be, "Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachthani?" I believe it is same pain when Jesus Christ at his last breath on the cross, he who bears the sins of man, yet being obedient to God the Father, what obedience and humbleness of Christ. Yet he need to feel the pain of not being with God the Father for that moment. The pain, the anguish, the Savior of the world, felt in sharp pain, this is my heart cry of pain.
Therefore, does God the Father know the pain of all humanity - especially when our loved one move on, He knows and understand. Is Christianity therefore relevant? Absolutely yes in this pluralism world - where everything has lost its center of truth.
One man's death inspire another to live. The night when man returns to ashes, I went out and reflect. Thinking the meaning of life, the value of a man's life, the quality of a man's life, and at the same time, thinking and reflecting what 2 Timothy 4:7, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." This is what I have chosen for his inscription. Guess it is not so much for my dad, but it is more for me I suppose when I choose this verse.
A reminder to me, to preserve in all hardships, all of man's struggles and trials given by the Lord Jesus Christ. Looking at my dad's life, to hear that he was a pastor in younger days blow my mind away! WHAT! I could not believe it! No way! I was in denial when two pastors from the AOG came and told me, this truth was confirmed by my mum and elder brother. All of them knew, but I was totally in shocked for I did not know the truth! A reminder, a verse, a calling verse i suppose, a verse that challenge my mindset of life, fight, race and faith.
A commitment, a calling, a life surrender to his Kingship, his Lordship, his Sovereignty will through this challenging words of Paul.
One life will soon past, but only what's done for Christ will last...
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
The final hours...
In the next 9 hours or so, my dad will be burn into ashes as he is being pushed into the burning flames. How should my heart be feeling? Teach me, O Lord.
My heart is filled with both thanksgiving and yet with sadness. Sadness...due to the fact that my dad's body will return to dust. Dust is what man is made of, and by right, I should not be sad. I should not be sad for my dad is in heaven! Why O man are you downcast? O Lord, help me...
Thanksgiving... After 28 years, all these many years, I have had a very wrong and distorted view of my dad. Today, at 4 plus pm, I finally understood who my dad really was! I met with 2 persons who were very special especially to me, they told me about what I need to know about my dad. What he is really like? What he is passionate about? They fills me up the information that I as a son of Tan Hung Leng, Raymond need to know. These are some details that I badly need to know and I was full of joy to know what kind of a man he really was.
To give you a more complete picture of my dad, I would go and visit the two persons personally, to find out more about the details of my dad more before I write more...I promise, if not, please bug me, but do not be a pest...Laughing Out Loud...
O Lord, thank You for Your Son, Jesus Christ, for only thru' Christ Alone can satisfy Your righteous wrath and just, that we as man, totally undeserving yet with amazing grace, be reconcile with You! Thank You for the grace that was extended to us as a family, to see us going through very tough times, yet in Your great mercy, we found love - Christ! May You, O Lord continue to reveal Yourself in the manifestation of Jesus Christ Your Son through the Christian community, that had shown and continue to minister to my mum, elder brother and sister in law. O Lord, grant me thy strength to be a pillar of support to my family members. Amen!
Thank you all for keeping my family accompany thru' your appreciated presence and prayers! No words nor any amount of thank you(s) could ever thank you enough for your love, time, presence, friendships. I treasure you all...
My heart is filled with both thanksgiving and yet with sadness. Sadness...due to the fact that my dad's body will return to dust. Dust is what man is made of, and by right, I should not be sad. I should not be sad for my dad is in heaven! Why O man are you downcast? O Lord, help me...
Thanksgiving... After 28 years, all these many years, I have had a very wrong and distorted view of my dad. Today, at 4 plus pm, I finally understood who my dad really was! I met with 2 persons who were very special especially to me, they told me about what I need to know about my dad. What he is really like? What he is passionate about? They fills me up the information that I as a son of Tan Hung Leng, Raymond need to know. These are some details that I badly need to know and I was full of joy to know what kind of a man he really was.
To give you a more complete picture of my dad, I would go and visit the two persons personally, to find out more about the details of my dad more before I write more...I promise, if not, please bug me, but do not be a pest...Laughing Out Loud...
O Lord, thank You for Your Son, Jesus Christ, for only thru' Christ Alone can satisfy Your righteous wrath and just, that we as man, totally undeserving yet with amazing grace, be reconcile with You! Thank You for the grace that was extended to us as a family, to see us going through very tough times, yet in Your great mercy, we found love - Christ! May You, O Lord continue to reveal Yourself in the manifestation of Jesus Christ Your Son through the Christian community, that had shown and continue to minister to my mum, elder brother and sister in law. O Lord, grant me thy strength to be a pillar of support to my family members. Amen!
Thank you all for keeping my family accompany thru' your appreciated presence and prayers! No words nor any amount of thank you(s) could ever thank you enough for your love, time, presence, friendships. I treasure you all...
Monday, February 23, 2009
Details...
my dad passed away at 2051 on Sunday night.
service on 23rd and 24th Feb 2009, 8pm.
location: Singapore Casket, Ruby room, level 4.
http://gothere.sg/ to find the place...
Cremation on 25th Feb 2009
Timing: 1115am
Location: Mandai Crematorium and Columbarium Complex
Service Hall 2, 300 Mandai Road.
Going by bus, we will leave @ 1015am from Singapore Casket, if you are going, please indicate with me. Thank you!
on 23rd Feb, i will be from 2 plus 3pm onwards...
Dad, you are always and forever my dad, and you are loved by elder brother and me. Thank you for the precious moments, i really treasure it in my heart. I love you~~~
service on 23rd and 24th Feb 2009, 8pm.
location: Singapore Casket, Ruby room, level 4.
http://gothere.sg/ to find the place...
Cremation on 25th Feb 2009
Timing: 1115am
Location: Mandai Crematorium and Columbarium Complex
Service Hall 2, 300 Mandai Road.
Going by bus, we will leave @ 1015am from Singapore Casket, if you are going, please indicate with me. Thank you!
on 23rd Feb, i will be from 2 plus 3pm onwards...
Dad, you are always and forever my dad, and you are loved by elder brother and me. Thank you for the precious moments, i really treasure it in my heart. I love you~~~
Saturday, February 21, 2009
He survive this one, he survive...
received a call from SGH @ 1540, the doctor in charge gives me a scared of my life! He told me that my dad's heart stopped beating for 15mins, but he said that they have managed to revive him, and now they are pushing him back to ICU. It could be another infection or his last struggle before he enter the kingdom of God. Suffering to Glorification?!
O Lord, i do not know whether i could take the blow, grant me thy strength, my heart is uneasy now!
going down to SGH now!
O Lord, i do not know whether i could take the blow, grant me thy strength, my heart is uneasy now!
going down to SGH now!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Recount...
At 4pm, talked to my dad alone and asked him whether he love Jesus? He is able to answer me, "Yes". And I continue to ask, do you know that God loves you, "Yes," he replied even though through the air-mask, he nodded his head and told me his answer. When I talked to him, he was clear-minded, definitely not in a semi-conscious state, as my elder brother can testify to it throughout the day.
With that, i had a 15 to 20mins talk with him, updating him that i am no longer working in campus crusade for Christ, an organization that challenges and build up my Christian faith, of which i am greatly appreciative of. And now I am studying in TTC, looking at the possibility of going back to my home church, to be a pastor, of which definitely i am still praying about it and of course, not ruling out going back to campus crusade as my top priority.
With all my heart with God as my witness, i told my dad, if you are going to recover from this, there will forever a roof over your head and my elder brother just confirmed it at 5.30pm before he left. But in the event, if you hear Jesus calling you, dad, go in peace. I have never thought that i would ever had the courage to say that my dad. Definitely not in a manner of hopelessness, but rather having the conviction that Jesus is his Lord and Savior! And when the Lord calls, i know as for now, from suffering to glory in God (borrowing the words of Rodney Hui).
In the afternoon, my mum came with my elder brother to see my dad, the second time, yet I believe this time round, is more than just an obligation that she came to see him. But rather it could be a change of heart, would you pray with me, that my mum's heart would change during this period of time and also she is willing to forgive him despite of the many heartaches, hardships, hurts and pains that she endure. My mum would understood God's love and grace - through forgiving my dad, and she too be lifted up from the bondage of unforgiveness. And that she too fully understood Christ's love and his death in its totality reveals by God through the Holy Spirit working and convicted of her heart as i shared the gospel to her few years back and if opportunity arises, this weekend.
Somehow, as I looked back the past eight days, I am beginning to enjoy and loving every minutes of it, do not get me wrong, I am not a Sadducee (hope you understand this joke), but I really treasure and cherish all that is happening in my family, as I began to recount the Lord's blessings and sufferings as a family. And all these are given by the grace of God for his undeserving people like us and with his grace, we live on, to testify of his greatness!
Praise Adonai...
With that, i had a 15 to 20mins talk with him, updating him that i am no longer working in campus crusade for Christ, an organization that challenges and build up my Christian faith, of which i am greatly appreciative of. And now I am studying in TTC, looking at the possibility of going back to my home church, to be a pastor, of which definitely i am still praying about it and of course, not ruling out going back to campus crusade as my top priority.
With all my heart with God as my witness, i told my dad, if you are going to recover from this, there will forever a roof over your head and my elder brother just confirmed it at 5.30pm before he left. But in the event, if you hear Jesus calling you, dad, go in peace. I have never thought that i would ever had the courage to say that my dad. Definitely not in a manner of hopelessness, but rather having the conviction that Jesus is his Lord and Savior! And when the Lord calls, i know as for now, from suffering to glory in God (borrowing the words of Rodney Hui).
In the afternoon, my mum came with my elder brother to see my dad, the second time, yet I believe this time round, is more than just an obligation that she came to see him. But rather it could be a change of heart, would you pray with me, that my mum's heart would change during this period of time and also she is willing to forgive him despite of the many heartaches, hardships, hurts and pains that she endure. My mum would understood God's love and grace - through forgiving my dad, and she too be lifted up from the bondage of unforgiveness. And that she too fully understood Christ's love and his death in its totality reveals by God through the Holy Spirit working and convicted of her heart as i shared the gospel to her few years back and if opportunity arises, this weekend.
Somehow, as I looked back the past eight days, I am beginning to enjoy and loving every minutes of it, do not get me wrong, I am not a Sadducee (hope you understand this joke), but I really treasure and cherish all that is happening in my family, as I began to recount the Lord's blessings and sufferings as a family. And all these are given by the grace of God for his undeserving people like us and with his grace, we live on, to testify of his greatness!
Praise Adonai...
Is death humanity number one enemy?
Lord, are you joking? What are you trying to do? yesterday the doctor said that my dad is at the verge of death, yet today when I saw him at 130pm (have not consult the doctor yet), he is wide awake, very conscious and able to response to Miss Yap and Henry's prayers when they offer to pray for him. When i was talking to dad, he is able to response, with eyes very sharp and fresh and understood perfectly what i told him. He could even nodded his head to response when i asked him questions as he is still breathing via the air-mask.
There is a saying, when one comes back strongly out of nowhere, especially from a coma state and most unlikely state of recovering, it is when the time is up for the person to go soon.
Is this the current reality of my dad? Or has the Lord truly sustains my dad to overcome the humanity's number one enemy, death? Lord, You alone are Lord. I completely surrender all to thee.
To live is Christ and to die is gain. I pray that this would be said of my father in his deathbed, no matter what happens.
The prayer that you can be praying for today. I would talk to my dad about his salvation since he is wide awake and conscious to listen and hear the gospel. Yet at the same time, I will be talking to him, "Dad, if you heard Jesus calling you, go with him in peace and into his loving hands."
This statement does come with a great deal of pain to say, especially coming from my heart than my mouth. This statement is definitely not a statement that define hopelessness, but one that totally believe in the Sovereignty of the Lord and His merciful grace. Lord, You are not joking, thank you for everything. You are God alone and the God who is in control of every aspect of my life. Amen.
There is a saying, when one comes back strongly out of nowhere, especially from a coma state and most unlikely state of recovering, it is when the time is up for the person to go soon.
Is this the current reality of my dad? Or has the Lord truly sustains my dad to overcome the humanity's number one enemy, death? Lord, You alone are Lord. I completely surrender all to thee.
To live is Christ and to die is gain. I pray that this would be said of my father in his deathbed, no matter what happens.
The prayer that you can be praying for today. I would talk to my dad about his salvation since he is wide awake and conscious to listen and hear the gospel. Yet at the same time, I will be talking to him, "Dad, if you heard Jesus calling you, go with him in peace and into his loving hands."
This statement does come with a great deal of pain to say, especially coming from my heart than my mouth. This statement is definitely not a statement that define hopelessness, but one that totally believe in the Sovereignty of the Lord and His merciful grace. Lord, You are not joking, thank you for everything. You are God alone and the God who is in control of every aspect of my life. Amen.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Are you ready?
latest update @ 2.30pm, hearing from the doctor, my dad could go anytime, because my dad's condition is slowly deteriorating with his heart is weak by the seconds, as he is back to his coma state, for he is back on air-mask for his breathing.
Are you ready? Am i ready? What kind of question that a son should be asking or even entertain at the first place? Will my heart ever be ready to see my dad, gone with the wind? Is it all possible at the first place? Am i ready? Lord, i dare not answer this simple question. Lord, take him away if it is under Your Sovereign will and when you know that i am ready.
You, O Lord, knows when i am ready, for you have tested and prepared me since i was in my mother's womb till now.
Romans 8:28, "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." God, if death is good for my dad, take him into Your eternal presence~!
Are you ready? Am i ready? What kind of question that a son should be asking or even entertain at the first place? Will my heart ever be ready to see my dad, gone with the wind? Is it all possible at the first place? Am i ready? Lord, i dare not answer this simple question. Lord, take him away if it is under Your Sovereign will and when you know that i am ready.
You, O Lord, knows when i am ready, for you have tested and prepared me since i was in my mother's womb till now.
Romans 8:28, "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." God, if death is good for my dad, take him into Your eternal presence~!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
latest update @ 5pm...
This is what my elder brother, Roy, update me...
"Ron, dad is in critical stage at the moment, for his chest infection is still in him as last week, he is able to absorb part of the medication but he is reacting to it and therefore causing to be weak till now. The doctors recommended that dad to be fed with another anti-biotic medication, if he response well to it, he survive, if not" (Roy did not finish the sentence), God is still my God. Amen.
He continue, "Ron, all we could do now is pray".
A statement of Hopeful or Hopeless? I guess this is the condition of our hearts and minds. Hopeful against all hopelessness.
O Lord, my heart is very tired and weary, my mind is everywhere, scenarios have been part of my thinking and process each day.
Lord, would You said this to me as you said this to Apostle Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Praise Adonai...
"Ron, dad is in critical stage at the moment, for his chest infection is still in him as last week, he is able to absorb part of the medication but he is reacting to it and therefore causing to be weak till now. The doctors recommended that dad to be fed with another anti-biotic medication, if he response well to it, he survive, if not" (Roy did not finish the sentence), God is still my God. Amen.
He continue, "Ron, all we could do now is pray".
A statement of Hopeful or Hopeless? I guess this is the condition of our hearts and minds. Hopeful against all hopelessness.
O Lord, my heart is very tired and weary, my mind is everywhere, scenarios have been part of my thinking and process each day.
Lord, would You said this to me as you said this to Apostle Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Praise Adonai...
O Lord, how long?
A normal person uses 50% or more of his heart to go about his routine life and the current state of my dad, according to the doctor from SGH, stated that my dad is actually using 30 to 35% of his heart, which translates that his heart is weak at the moment.
ICA = Highly dependence unit. Although he is out of ICU, but he is still in ICA, as stated above, his heart is still weak, and he is back on air-mask, cause he is not breathing well enough. Thank God that he need not the dialysis at the moment, which means that his kidney is functioning well in that sense.
Pray for him, that God will continue to keep his heart pumping stronger and stronger to 50% or more. Each day, he is suffering and is definitely painful and torn apart to see him in his state as his child and the best part, beside praying, there is nothing i could do! Lord, in your mercy. Pray also that he would stop struggling, wanting to break free especially his two hands are bonded, cause he tend to move too much, which results too many scars and bleedings.
Lord in Your Great Mercy and Unfailing Grace and Unconditional Love.
ICA = Highly dependence unit. Although he is out of ICU, but he is still in ICA, as stated above, his heart is still weak, and he is back on air-mask, cause he is not breathing well enough. Thank God that he need not the dialysis at the moment, which means that his kidney is functioning well in that sense.
Pray for him, that God will continue to keep his heart pumping stronger and stronger to 50% or more. Each day, he is suffering and is definitely painful and torn apart to see him in his state as his child and the best part, beside praying, there is nothing i could do! Lord, in your mercy. Pray also that he would stop struggling, wanting to break free especially his two hands are bonded, cause he tend to move too much, which results too many scars and bleedings.
Lord in Your Great Mercy and Unfailing Grace and Unconditional Love.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Priase Adonai...
Who is like Him
The Lion and the Lamb
Seated on the throne
Mountains bow down
Every ocean roars
To the Lord of hosts
Praise Adonai
From the rising of the sun
‘Til the end of every day
Praise Adonai
All the nations of the earth
All the angels and the saints
Sing Praise
Song by: Paul Baloche
Yesterday i went to my family church and ask for special permission from Bethel Presbyterian Church, who graciously allow me to be excuse for the week to rest. During worship, there is a song that i struggles with and find it hard to sing yet by faith, to sing with all my heart to praise Adonai - which is the Hebrew name for Master, Lord, YHWH (LORD). This is also one of my favorite song by Paul Baloche, who is a my personal favorite writer and great song composer for the Lord.
Praise Adonai, it is not as simpe as it is. When we are losing something or someone that are very close and dear to us, are we still able to praise Adonai? When we sing, we sing just with our lips or with our hearts unto the Lord?
The Lion and the Lamb
Seated on the throne
Mountains bow down
Every ocean roars
To the Lord of hosts
Praise Adonai
From the rising of the sun
‘Til the end of every day
Praise Adonai
All the nations of the earth
All the angels and the saints
Sing Praise
Song by: Paul Baloche
Yesterday i went to my family church and ask for special permission from Bethel Presbyterian Church, who graciously allow me to be excuse for the week to rest. During worship, there is a song that i struggles with and find it hard to sing yet by faith, to sing with all my heart to praise Adonai - which is the Hebrew name for Master, Lord, YHWH (LORD). This is also one of my favorite song by Paul Baloche, who is a my personal favorite writer and great song composer for the Lord.
Praise Adonai, it is not as simpe as it is. When we are losing something or someone that are very close and dear to us, are we still able to praise Adonai? When we sing, we sing just with our lips or with our hearts unto the Lord?
Hot from the oven...
at 12noon, just now when i heard the news from the doctor in charge. She said, "Your dad is recovering at the moment, he is off the air-mask, dialysis, he is able to breath on his own, and able to pass urine and motion more. definitely, it is a good sign for a recovering patient."
What a pleasant surprise to walk into the room, talking to my dad and seeing all the machines are almost gone, and the best part of knowing that he is recovering is to know that he wants to talk to me and drink a coffee and something to eat. this reminds me of the good old days when i was younger, we would always go for coffee and talking. =).
at the moment, they will be transferring him to another ward, it is called ICA, forgot what it means, but all i know and it means that he can breath on his own, by this time tomorrow, he maybe able to take solid food.
What an amazing God!
What a pleasant surprise to walk into the room, talking to my dad and seeing all the machines are almost gone, and the best part of knowing that he is recovering is to know that he wants to talk to me and drink a coffee and something to eat. this reminds me of the good old days when i was younger, we would always go for coffee and talking. =).
at the moment, they will be transferring him to another ward, it is called ICA, forgot what it means, but all i know and it means that he can breath on his own, by this time tomorrow, he maybe able to take solid food.
What an amazing God!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Redefining love and filial piety...
What is the true definition of love and filial piety? On Friday midnight, i got a long talk with my mum about what is love and filial piety. She told me that my primary duty should be studying at this point in time, which is absolute true! But i was telling her, definitely i would like to study at this junction of time, but yet i can't help it when my mind is constantly thinking about my dad who is still in ICU. And knowing that anytime he could go for good is not going to help either.
My dad and mum got a long history of hate, hurt and unforgiveness since i was 8 years of age. I told my mum after i reached home after supper with my church mates (who i really appreciate all of your time!), that you are my mum, the man who you hate is my dad. And there is no way that i could ever divorce this truth regardless of how my dad hurt the family, and hurt you, mum.
if i could ever divorce this truth that he is not my dad, and not taking care of him during this season when he is in hospital, then mum, what makes you think that i would take care of you when you are down, falling sick and definitely one who is more closer to me than dad, when i don't even take care of dad now?
Mum, going there to the hospital daily is just an expression of my love for my dad, and i would do it for you if you are there as well. This is how i define love and filial piety, it is not a show, but it is a choice. If love is choosing who you want to love ( for this is easy), but rather love is loving even those you hate (i am not referring that i hate my dad, don't get me wrong). I love you, mum, just as i love dad, which i can never divorce this truth. If i can, then i would not be your son.
Love and filial piety comes hand-in-hand. My dad is like my "white" palm, while my mum is like the other side of my palm, i cant hate one and love the other, for it does not have any logic.
Pray for my mum, that she understood what is the true meaning of love that is only found in Christ and filial piety in this current situation. Thank you.
My dad and mum got a long history of hate, hurt and unforgiveness since i was 8 years of age. I told my mum after i reached home after supper with my church mates (who i really appreciate all of your time!), that you are my mum, the man who you hate is my dad. And there is no way that i could ever divorce this truth regardless of how my dad hurt the family, and hurt you, mum.
if i could ever divorce this truth that he is not my dad, and not taking care of him during this season when he is in hospital, then mum, what makes you think that i would take care of you when you are down, falling sick and definitely one who is more closer to me than dad, when i don't even take care of dad now?
Mum, going there to the hospital daily is just an expression of my love for my dad, and i would do it for you if you are there as well. This is how i define love and filial piety, it is not a show, but it is a choice. If love is choosing who you want to love ( for this is easy), but rather love is loving even those you hate (i am not referring that i hate my dad, don't get me wrong). I love you, mum, just as i love dad, which i can never divorce this truth. If i can, then i would not be your son.
Love and filial piety comes hand-in-hand. My dad is like my "white" palm, while my mum is like the other side of my palm, i cant hate one and love the other, for it does not have any logic.
Pray for my mum, that she understood what is the true meaning of love that is only found in Christ and filial piety in this current situation. Thank you.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Latest updates...
after seeing the doctor at 2.30pm. he mentioned that my dad's air pipe is taken away, saying that he is under observance, see whether he could take the breathing on his own, and minimum help from the machine. the doctor sounded positive as he mentioned that the dialysis is clearing his blood, and so far my dad is sensitive to the medication and responding well to it as well. maybe in a few days, my dad could be off the ICU ward! no doubt, it is a great thanksgiving, and thank you for praying, and keep on praying! yet i am still remained that my dad is still in ICU...
for me, i am had a good sleep since 1230am to 10am this morning, but my mind remain quite heavy, think been too much thinking and stressful moments the last few days.
talk to my dad just now, he is conscious, but still very tired and been sleeping to recover more, he cant speak, but can give off some sounds, due to the long insert of the air-tube in his mouth. give him a few more hours, i believe he can talk in due time!
just now, talking to him alone, telling him that God loves him, i love him and telling him that my elder brother and myself at there with him. He understood that God never leave him nor forsake him since he heard of the gospel truth back in his younger days when he was serving actively in the church. though he maybe backsliding, i believe with all my heart with the peace, the Lord is my dad's Lord as well.
surrendering all to the Lord, whether he is to go or to live, whether he is saved or not, remains to the Lord. this is what my heart is convicted of.
for me, i am had a good sleep since 1230am to 10am this morning, but my mind remain quite heavy, think been too much thinking and stressful moments the last few days.
talk to my dad just now, he is conscious, but still very tired and been sleeping to recover more, he cant speak, but can give off some sounds, due to the long insert of the air-tube in his mouth. give him a few more hours, i believe he can talk in due time!
just now, talking to him alone, telling him that God loves him, i love him and telling him that my elder brother and myself at there with him. He understood that God never leave him nor forsake him since he heard of the gospel truth back in his younger days when he was serving actively in the church. though he maybe backsliding, i believe with all my heart with the peace, the Lord is my dad's Lord as well.
surrendering all to the Lord, whether he is to go or to live, whether he is saved or not, remains to the Lord. this is what my heart is convicted of.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Trust in the trust-worthiness of our Lord Jesus Christ...
now at 4pm, hearing from the doctor, knowing that my dad got a mini-heart attack, with that, his liver and lung is failing together with his chest infection. now he badly need the air pipe for his breathing and the help of machines, he also in need to have his blood clean due to his failure of his liver.
what can i say? what can i do? what can the doctor do to keep him survive? is there anything man can do at this point in time? am i hopeless?
i am still trusting in the trust-worthiness of our Lord Jesus Christ - his unfailing grace and love...
tough road ahead, but i m not alone, Christ has walked before, and with his strength and by his grace, Christ is still my God.
pray for the Lord to reveal Himself to my dad and in His great mercy, salvation belong to the Lord.
what can i say? what can i do? what can the doctor do to keep him survive? is there anything man can do at this point in time? am i hopeless?
i am still trusting in the trust-worthiness of our Lord Jesus Christ - his unfailing grace and love...
tough road ahead, but i m not alone, Christ has walked before, and with his strength and by his grace, Christ is still my God.
pray for the Lord to reveal Himself to my dad and in His great mercy, salvation belong to the Lord.
Consider Christ...
Consider Christ, the source of our salvation
That he should take the penalty for me
Though he was pure, a lamb without a blemish;
He took my sins and nailed them to the tree
Chorus
My Lord and God
You are so rich in mercy
Mere words alone are not sufficient thanks.
So take my life, transform, renew and change me
That I might be a living sacrifice
Consider Christ, that he could trust his Father
In the garden of Gethsemane
Though full of dread and fearful of the anguish;
He drank the cup that was reserved for me.
Consider Christ, for death he has defeated.
And he arose, appeared for all to see.
And now he sits at God’s right hand in heaven
Where he prepares a resting place for me
This song remind me that what i have been going through is nothing compared to what Christ has endure on the cross, and it teaches me to focus my eyes on Christ and the cross and no one else! Yet at the cross, where i find strength.
That he should take the penalty for me
Though he was pure, a lamb without a blemish;
He took my sins and nailed them to the tree
Chorus
My Lord and God
You are so rich in mercy
Mere words alone are not sufficient thanks.
So take my life, transform, renew and change me
That I might be a living sacrifice
Consider Christ, that he could trust his Father
In the garden of Gethsemane
Though full of dread and fearful of the anguish;
He drank the cup that was reserved for me.
Consider Christ, for death he has defeated.
And he arose, appeared for all to see.
And now he sits at God’s right hand in heaven
Where he prepares a resting place for me
This song remind me that what i have been going through is nothing compared to what Christ has endure on the cross, and it teaches me to focus my eyes on Christ and the cross and no one else! Yet at the cross, where i find strength.
for better or for worst...
i had a great time of talking and bouncing ideas with my elder brother, especially about my dad. for the better, it is a great news, that my elder brother have decided to take my dad back into his home! what a joy to behold! to see that my elder brother have taken a huge step in this process of reconciliation, but it must be done without my mum's knowledge.
for worst case scenario...
Roy, my elder brother, talk about in crisis like this, enable us as a family to be real, authentic, genuine and sincere love for each other. he mention that he would rather have a family of this, than a family of shallow relationship between each other.
my mum called me at 6pm and she is at home, her off-day yesterday, 12th Feb 2009, she asked me, why am i still in SGH? i seriously do not know how to answer her at that moment. she told me that i should be in TTC and study, or resting.
"how to?" i wonder. "is it all possible at all to be study at this point of time? is it possible to stay in TTC and rest, when my dad is in ICU?" O Lord, grant me strength, wisdom, discipline to walk in Your unfailing grace.
for better or for worst, it is not just a marriage vow statement that couples talk with each other and promise for life to hold on to this promise, but rather, it is also for family as well.
for worst case scenario...
Roy, my elder brother, talk about in crisis like this, enable us as a family to be real, authentic, genuine and sincere love for each other. he mention that he would rather have a family of this, than a family of shallow relationship between each other.
my mum called me at 6pm and she is at home, her off-day yesterday, 12th Feb 2009, she asked me, why am i still in SGH? i seriously do not know how to answer her at that moment. she told me that i should be in TTC and study, or resting.
"how to?" i wonder. "is it all possible at all to be study at this point of time? is it possible to stay in TTC and rest, when my dad is in ICU?" O Lord, grant me strength, wisdom, discipline to walk in Your unfailing grace.
for better or for worst, it is not just a marriage vow statement that couples talk with each other and promise for life to hold on to this promise, but rather, it is also for family as well.
visiting hours...
i will be in SGH after 2 pm on friday, on sat maybe after 11am onwards and sun after 2pm... please give me a call before you want to come, if not i scared that you may waste the trip.
due to my dad is still in ICU, visiting as a group may not be advisable, can come as a group, but may not all can see my dad, hope that you understand. =).
official visiting hours from the hospital side, 12 - 2pm and 530 to 8pm.
due to my dad is still in ICU, visiting as a group may not be advisable, can come as a group, but may not all can see my dad, hope that you understand. =).
official visiting hours from the hospital side, 12 - 2pm and 530 to 8pm.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
small breath at a time...
just talk to the staff nurse, who told my elder brother and myself at 530pm, that they will try to see whether they could take off the breathing equipments from my dad tomorrow morning and see whether he can breath on his own. For his breathing at the moment, the nurse said that he could breath himself, but at small breath at this point of time. it sounds like a great news, but the nurse did not want to give us any false hope, for he is still in ICU, anything could possibly happen.
at 530pm, when we were talking to the nurse, i saw my dad's chest was going up and down, i panic for a short while and the nurse affirmed that my dad is just coughing, my heart was going up and down with him. what a scare!
only when my dad can breath on his own, then there is a possibility that he could be on his way to recovery and provided that he is out of the state of semi-conscious.
how fragile is life, O man.
at 530pm, when we were talking to the nurse, i saw my dad's chest was going up and down, i panic for a short while and the nurse affirmed that my dad is just coughing, my heart was going up and down with him. what a scare!
only when my dad can breath on his own, then there is a possibility that he could be on his way to recovery and provided that he is out of the state of semi-conscious.
how fragile is life, O man.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
prayer requests and updates on my dad...
prayer requests:
latest update:
"my dad got a bit fever, but subsiding, better liao. He can respond to my elder brother's talking. so dun worry." A sms from my elder brother at 2139.
- my dad, mum, elder brother and sister-in-law's salvation
- my mum cried this morning, pray for a reconciliation, restoration and between my mum and dad!
- my heart is more concerned about my whole family salvation than the physical healing of my dad, which i think this is more important than anything else in the world!
- strength, wisdom in making decision, courage and boldness to share the love of Christ to my family members, showing practical love to all of them in the times of need.
- everything that happen is not by chance, but by the Sovereignty of God and by his grace that everything is purely for God's glory alone! Amen!
latest update:
"my dad got a bit fever, but subsiding, better liao. He can respond to my elder brother's talking. so dun worry." A sms from my elder brother at 2139.
each breath could be his last...
Each breath could be his last! with all the tubes and machines to keep him alive, i cant help it but to thank God for technology, without it, i definitely will seeing to my dad's funeral by now. but is technology a curse for this current generation or is it a blessing? is it better for my dad to suffer due to technology or a blessing that it is still keeping him alive? suffer or alive?
but to me, what really matters most now, is my dad's salvation, which is more important than his health. if God would answer me just one prayer request, i would chose his salvation over his healing. in the eyes of man, many would pray for his healing. but in 2 Kings 5, the passage for the day, talks about healing, but is really healing the key issue for someone who is in his deathbed? is healing his main thoughts? or is there something more than that?
a man in his deathbed, what would he be thinking? would his last wish be, "healing? or what is next for me?" healing vs salvation? what a tough choice for man to consider!
i was reminded as i make my way to the hospital this morning, 11 Feb 2009. God the Father at the edge of losing his Son- Jesus Christ when he bear the sins of the world, he need to not to look at his Son, for God being the Holy God and send Jesus Christ to die, to bear the sin and God cannot endure sin. the pain of losing his Son, i wonder, "What is going through the mind of God and his heart - his only Son that he loves the most, yet God give it all up to glorify Himself!"
what a thought, what a God! so is Christianity a relevant religion? NO! it is a personal relationship with God who can purely identify with his people! For only when God loses his Son on the Cross, it was the greatest testimony and of the utmost relevant that God purely understand and understood what it is like to lose a Son - someone who is beyond words could ever describe the anguish, the pain, the lostness, the confusion and the great tension of losing his Son for humanity, is it worth it?
Each breath could be his last, Jesus Christ on the cross, his mind and heart did not ask, "Is it worth it for all humanity?" but rather, "It is finished! it is purely for the Glory of God! Soli Deo Gloria!" i dont think Christ thought of us when he is on the cross, like my favorite song, "above all".
here goes the chorus, "Crucified, Laid behind a stone, You lived to die, Rejected and alone, Like a rose, Trampled on the ground, You took the fall, And thought of me, Above all"
and thought of me, i believe that Jesus Christ is definitely thinking of God and not humanity that many would mistaken.
but to me, what really matters most now, is my dad's salvation, which is more important than his health. if God would answer me just one prayer request, i would chose his salvation over his healing. in the eyes of man, many would pray for his healing. but in 2 Kings 5, the passage for the day, talks about healing, but is really healing the key issue for someone who is in his deathbed? is healing his main thoughts? or is there something more than that?
a man in his deathbed, what would he be thinking? would his last wish be, "healing? or what is next for me?" healing vs salvation? what a tough choice for man to consider!
i was reminded as i make my way to the hospital this morning, 11 Feb 2009. God the Father at the edge of losing his Son- Jesus Christ when he bear the sins of the world, he need to not to look at his Son, for God being the Holy God and send Jesus Christ to die, to bear the sin and God cannot endure sin. the pain of losing his Son, i wonder, "What is going through the mind of God and his heart - his only Son that he loves the most, yet God give it all up to glorify Himself!"
what a thought, what a God! so is Christianity a relevant religion? NO! it is a personal relationship with God who can purely identify with his people! For only when God loses his Son on the Cross, it was the greatest testimony and of the utmost relevant that God purely understand and understood what it is like to lose a Son - someone who is beyond words could ever describe the anguish, the pain, the lostness, the confusion and the great tension of losing his Son for humanity, is it worth it?
Each breath could be his last, Jesus Christ on the cross, his mind and heart did not ask, "Is it worth it for all humanity?" but rather, "It is finished! it is purely for the Glory of God! Soli Deo Gloria!" i dont think Christ thought of us when he is on the cross, like my favorite song, "above all".
here goes the chorus, "Crucified, Laid behind a stone, You lived to die, Rejected and alone, Like a rose, Trampled on the ground, You took the fall, And thought of me, Above all"
and thought of me, i believe that Jesus Christ is definitely thinking of God and not humanity that many would mistaken.
reality hit in...
this morning, at 720am, i received a sms from my elder brother, Roy. "Ron, dad in SGH MICU ward 45 bed 18. He is in very bad state." i was having my regular QT with my cluster mates in TTC, after reading it, i cant bring myself to read the passage anymore, even though it is on the healing of the Naaman, in 2 Kings 5. i thought it would be most relevant for me this morning, to be reading this passage.
i went back to my room after 5 mins, i cant bring myself to think about anything anymore, but a time of crying and pleading with the Lord on my father's bebalf. call my elder brother and told him that i am on my way there now.
what is going through my mind when i slowly took a bus to the hospital then? moments of flashback came into my mind. My parents divorce since i was young, as young as i am eight, was living with my mum since then. i remember when i am staying with my mum, i will always look forward that my dad bring both my elder brother and me out for lunch or dinner. it would always be jack's place (back then, the standard was one of the best!) once a month. we would have countless things to talk about. even remember that my dad was the best, he brought me to East Coast Park and go fishing! we would put down the net, and my elder brother would swim and drag the net, and my dad and i would swim nearer to the shore, cause i am still young then. what a beautiful moments that i treasure in my heart!
on the way to SGH, my mind was thinking of percious moments with my dad. Tears came down as i saw many faces on the bus 184 and Mrt. i was smsing most of my closet friends, brothers and sisters in Christ and churchmates. this is the most tough time ahead.
reality hits in badly, when i was thinking of my dad, what would be remember of him? when i know that each breath he is taking could be his last. do i plead for mercy? or grace?
one question still remain in my heart, "what should i be praying for him at this junction? healing more important than salvation?"
i went back to my room after 5 mins, i cant bring myself to think about anything anymore, but a time of crying and pleading with the Lord on my father's bebalf. call my elder brother and told him that i am on my way there now.
what is going through my mind when i slowly took a bus to the hospital then? moments of flashback came into my mind. My parents divorce since i was young, as young as i am eight, was living with my mum since then. i remember when i am staying with my mum, i will always look forward that my dad bring both my elder brother and me out for lunch or dinner. it would always be jack's place (back then, the standard was one of the best!) once a month. we would have countless things to talk about. even remember that my dad was the best, he brought me to East Coast Park and go fishing! we would put down the net, and my elder brother would swim and drag the net, and my dad and i would swim nearer to the shore, cause i am still young then. what a beautiful moments that i treasure in my heart!
on the way to SGH, my mind was thinking of percious moments with my dad. Tears came down as i saw many faces on the bus 184 and Mrt. i was smsing most of my closet friends, brothers and sisters in Christ and churchmates. this is the most tough time ahead.
reality hits in badly, when i was thinking of my dad, what would be remember of him? when i know that each breath he is taking could be his last. do i plead for mercy? or grace?
one question still remain in my heart, "what should i be praying for him at this junction? healing more important than salvation?"
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Quote of the day...
“I defy the Pope, and all his laws; and if God spares my life, I will cause the boy that drives the plow in England to know more about the Scripture than the Pope himself.”
~William Tyndale 1494 – 1536
~William Tyndale 1494 – 1536
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
What then is the measure of love???
This year, i found out that it is rather meaningful and yet with great joy! I totally could appreciate the story of the Prodigal Son in the Bible. For the past few years, my younger uncle quarrel with my elder uncle and oldest auntie over my grandma. He claim that his mother loves my elder uncle and eldest auntie the most. She did not give him any possessions, house and anything of such. But according to my mum, who is the second of the five children, she said that my grandma loves my youngest uncle the most! For he is the only child in the family to go overseas and study while the rest of the family study and work hard, in order for him to study. The best part was, he said that grandma does not love him at all!
What then is the measure of love?
Four years back, things becomes even more ugly, when at my elder brother's wedding, my two uncles pick a fight with each other, and i have to stand in between them and asked both of them to go back with some more relatives' help. Since then, the younger uncle stop coming for Reunion dinner, Chinese New Year visitation. Even more, he did not allow his wife and two sons to visit us at all!
The first day of Chinese New Year, it has always been a custom that we as Chinese will visit the most elderly in the family, which is why we always visit my mother's grandma. That morning, my elder brother came from his place to pick my mum and me to grandma's place at Clementi. My elder brother receive a call from my younger uncle's wife, saying that they were at my grandma's place! The car was like a rocket for the next 15 mins.
We spend so much time catching up with the family! And we really did! My heart was pumping after 2 hours, knowing that my elder uncle will come home soon after his morning shift. And the nightmare was not over! When I saw my uncles saw each other in the house. Everyone in the family was in fear that a big quarrel was on its way, a fight is going to happen right at the first day of CNY!
Thank God, nothing of such happen. They by-pass each other. And my elder uncle just simply talks to my younger uncle's family. When my younger uncle's family left, my elder uncle did the impossible! He went over and shook hands with my younger uncle! I was like ! Totally speechless, no words could ever describe my heart to know that my uncles reconcile on this day! What a joy to behold!
After shortly my younger uncle's family leave, they called my elder brother, asking whether the whole family wants to visit his home nearby. I was like, YES! We should all go! But nothing came out from my mouth, for this is a decision that is something sensitive that the older generation need to make, but I was just singing praises in my heart and thanking God for the change of heart from the whole family.
The climax of the Prodigal Son came, when I was on my way home, with my elder brother, my 3rd Aunt, her husband and my mum. The reason why my younger uncle and family came, is his wife told my mum and 3rd Aunt, that my elder brother had been asking how is the family, and also how is she when she injure her leg, my elder brother shows concern. The best part was she prayed and ask God, to change my uncle's heart, so that they could go for family visitation this year. She challenge my uncle, saying, "See, your nephew is concerned about me when i injure my leg, and constantly asked me, how is the family doing. Yet we did not show concern and love to your family members, let alone your mum!"
When i heard this in the car, tears uncontrollably came down my cheeks, praising God for convicting my uncle's heart, changing his harden heart and loving my grandma in return! Before my grandma left his place, he gave her 200 dollars more and would increase his monthly giving to his mum. Talking about repentance! This is the best illustration on the Prodigal Son!
What then is the measure of love?
Love is giving everything and not expecting anything in return. That was the love of my grandma to her youngest son. Love is not a matter of convenience, but rather a matter of commitment. Love is not measure by what I have done, but rather what I have endure. I have not love like I should have. Thank you God for teaching me a valuable lesson on love. O Lord, would you help me love like you did on the cross!
What then is the measure of love?
Four years back, things becomes even more ugly, when at my elder brother's wedding, my two uncles pick a fight with each other, and i have to stand in between them and asked both of them to go back with some more relatives' help. Since then, the younger uncle stop coming for Reunion dinner, Chinese New Year visitation. Even more, he did not allow his wife and two sons to visit us at all!
The first day of Chinese New Year, it has always been a custom that we as Chinese will visit the most elderly in the family, which is why we always visit my mother's grandma. That morning, my elder brother came from his place to pick my mum and me to grandma's place at Clementi. My elder brother receive a call from my younger uncle's wife, saying that they were at my grandma's place! The car was like a rocket for the next 15 mins.
We spend so much time catching up with the family! And we really did! My heart was pumping after 2 hours, knowing that my elder uncle will come home soon after his morning shift. And the nightmare was not over! When I saw my uncles saw each other in the house. Everyone in the family was in fear that a big quarrel was on its way, a fight is going to happen right at the first day of CNY!
Thank God, nothing of such happen. They by-pass each other. And my elder uncle just simply talks to my younger uncle's family. When my younger uncle's family left, my elder uncle did the impossible! He went over and shook hands with my younger uncle! I was like ! Totally speechless, no words could ever describe my heart to know that my uncles reconcile on this day! What a joy to behold!
After shortly my younger uncle's family leave, they called my elder brother, asking whether the whole family wants to visit his home nearby. I was like, YES! We should all go! But nothing came out from my mouth, for this is a decision that is something sensitive that the older generation need to make, but I was just singing praises in my heart and thanking God for the change of heart from the whole family.
The climax of the Prodigal Son came, when I was on my way home, with my elder brother, my 3rd Aunt, her husband and my mum. The reason why my younger uncle and family came, is his wife told my mum and 3rd Aunt, that my elder brother had been asking how is the family, and also how is she when she injure her leg, my elder brother shows concern. The best part was she prayed and ask God, to change my uncle's heart, so that they could go for family visitation this year. She challenge my uncle, saying, "See, your nephew is concerned about me when i injure my leg, and constantly asked me, how is the family doing. Yet we did not show concern and love to your family members, let alone your mum!"
When i heard this in the car, tears uncontrollably came down my cheeks, praising God for convicting my uncle's heart, changing his harden heart and loving my grandma in return! Before my grandma left his place, he gave her 200 dollars more and would increase his monthly giving to his mum. Talking about repentance! This is the best illustration on the Prodigal Son!
What then is the measure of love?
Love is giving everything and not expecting anything in return. That was the love of my grandma to her youngest son. Love is not a matter of convenience, but rather a matter of commitment. Love is not measure by what I have done, but rather what I have endure. I have not love like I should have. Thank you God for teaching me a valuable lesson on love. O Lord, would you help me love like you did on the cross!
Monday, January 19, 2009
2 greatest lies the church believe in...
One of the greatest lie that the church is believing in, is that salvation can only be found in the church. Why do I have this thought? Because I am hearing a lot of people saying, just bring your friends to church, and the pastors and church leaders will share Christ to them. What?! This is not evangelism. Evangelism is not just bringing your friends to church. Evangelism is sharing Christ wherever you are and whoever you are, and salvation is definitely not found only in the church. Bringing a friend is definitely not the Biblical model of what Christ taught. And in fact, this is one of the greatest lie of the church slowly buying into subtlety. But rather, evangelism is the role of every Christians and we are called to share Christ despite of where we are.
The second greatest lie of the church that we are believing in, is that watch my life and do good. Does not all religions tell us to do good and live a good life? So then, what is the difference? No. The church cannot and must not continue to preach this doctrine of just living a good life. Living a good life and not sharing Christ, what a lie! What a truth that is being distorted by the Christian world. If it is so, then we as Christians had got the gospel truth all wrong and definitely it is not what we called - gospel centric. Gospel centric is truth in its totality is when we live a life that glorify God in all we do and sharing Christ. These two must be together and not lacking in either. For Christ and the apostles did both and did not compromise on any of the two. So why should we?
The second greatest lie of the church that we are believing in, is that watch my life and do good. Does not all religions tell us to do good and live a good life? So then, what is the difference? No. The church cannot and must not continue to preach this doctrine of just living a good life. Living a good life and not sharing Christ, what a lie! What a truth that is being distorted by the Christian world. If it is so, then we as Christians had got the gospel truth all wrong and definitely it is not what we called - gospel centric. Gospel centric is truth in its totality is when we live a life that glorify God in all we do and sharing Christ. These two must be together and not lacking in either. For Christ and the apostles did both and did not compromise on any of the two. So why should we?
Friday, January 16, 2009
Thanksgiving...
Thanksgiving, thanksgiving, thanksgiving... One morning when i was doing quiet time, i was overwhelmed that i just took the grace of God for granted! The air i breath each morning, the bright warm morning sun that reminds me of his great faithfulness. Yet so easily, i forget the grace of God! Why, O man? Would You O Lord teach me what it means to live under Your great grace...
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