In the next 9 hours or so, my dad will be burn into ashes as he is being pushed into the burning flames. How should my heart be feeling? Teach me, O Lord.
My heart is filled with both thanksgiving and yet with sadness. Sadness...due to the fact that my dad's body will return to dust. Dust is what man is made of, and by right, I should not be sad. I should not be sad for my dad is in heaven! Why O man are you downcast? O Lord, help me...
Thanksgiving... After 28 years, all these many years, I have had a very wrong and distorted view of my dad. Today, at 4 plus pm, I finally understood who my dad really was! I met with 2 persons who were very special especially to me, they told me about what I need to know about my dad. What he is really like? What he is passionate about? They fills me up the information that I as a son of Tan Hung Leng, Raymond need to know. These are some details that I badly need to know and I was full of joy to know what kind of a man he really was.
To give you a more complete picture of my dad, I would go and visit the two persons personally, to find out more about the details of my dad more before I write more...I promise, if not, please bug me, but do not be a pest...Laughing Out Loud...
O Lord, thank You for Your Son, Jesus Christ, for only thru' Christ Alone can satisfy Your righteous wrath and just, that we as man, totally undeserving yet with amazing grace, be reconcile with You! Thank You for the grace that was extended to us as a family, to see us going through very tough times, yet in Your great mercy, we found love - Christ! May You, O Lord continue to reveal Yourself in the manifestation of Jesus Christ Your Son through the Christian community, that had shown and continue to minister to my mum, elder brother and sister in law. O Lord, grant me thy strength to be a pillar of support to my family members. Amen!
Thank you all for keeping my family accompany thru' your appreciated presence and prayers! No words nor any amount of thank you(s) could ever thank you enough for your love, time, presence, friendships. I treasure you all...
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Monday, February 23, 2009
Details...
my dad passed away at 2051 on Sunday night.
service on 23rd and 24th Feb 2009, 8pm.
location: Singapore Casket, Ruby room, level 4.
http://gothere.sg/ to find the place...
Cremation on 25th Feb 2009
Timing: 1115am
Location: Mandai Crematorium and Columbarium Complex
Service Hall 2, 300 Mandai Road.
Going by bus, we will leave @ 1015am from Singapore Casket, if you are going, please indicate with me. Thank you!
on 23rd Feb, i will be from 2 plus 3pm onwards...
Dad, you are always and forever my dad, and you are loved by elder brother and me. Thank you for the precious moments, i really treasure it in my heart. I love you~~~
service on 23rd and 24th Feb 2009, 8pm.
location: Singapore Casket, Ruby room, level 4.
http://gothere.sg/ to find the place...
Cremation on 25th Feb 2009
Timing: 1115am
Location: Mandai Crematorium and Columbarium Complex
Service Hall 2, 300 Mandai Road.
Going by bus, we will leave @ 1015am from Singapore Casket, if you are going, please indicate with me. Thank you!
on 23rd Feb, i will be from 2 plus 3pm onwards...
Dad, you are always and forever my dad, and you are loved by elder brother and me. Thank you for the precious moments, i really treasure it in my heart. I love you~~~
Saturday, February 21, 2009
He survive this one, he survive...
received a call from SGH @ 1540, the doctor in charge gives me a scared of my life! He told me that my dad's heart stopped beating for 15mins, but he said that they have managed to revive him, and now they are pushing him back to ICU. It could be another infection or his last struggle before he enter the kingdom of God. Suffering to Glorification?!
O Lord, i do not know whether i could take the blow, grant me thy strength, my heart is uneasy now!
going down to SGH now!
O Lord, i do not know whether i could take the blow, grant me thy strength, my heart is uneasy now!
going down to SGH now!
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Recount...
At 4pm, talked to my dad alone and asked him whether he love Jesus? He is able to answer me, "Yes". And I continue to ask, do you know that God loves you, "Yes," he replied even though through the air-mask, he nodded his head and told me his answer. When I talked to him, he was clear-minded, definitely not in a semi-conscious state, as my elder brother can testify to it throughout the day.
With that, i had a 15 to 20mins talk with him, updating him that i am no longer working in campus crusade for Christ, an organization that challenges and build up my Christian faith, of which i am greatly appreciative of. And now I am studying in TTC, looking at the possibility of going back to my home church, to be a pastor, of which definitely i am still praying about it and of course, not ruling out going back to campus crusade as my top priority.
With all my heart with God as my witness, i told my dad, if you are going to recover from this, there will forever a roof over your head and my elder brother just confirmed it at 5.30pm before he left. But in the event, if you hear Jesus calling you, dad, go in peace. I have never thought that i would ever had the courage to say that my dad. Definitely not in a manner of hopelessness, but rather having the conviction that Jesus is his Lord and Savior! And when the Lord calls, i know as for now, from suffering to glory in God (borrowing the words of Rodney Hui).
In the afternoon, my mum came with my elder brother to see my dad, the second time, yet I believe this time round, is more than just an obligation that she came to see him. But rather it could be a change of heart, would you pray with me, that my mum's heart would change during this period of time and also she is willing to forgive him despite of the many heartaches, hardships, hurts and pains that she endure. My mum would understood God's love and grace - through forgiving my dad, and she too be lifted up from the bondage of unforgiveness. And that she too fully understood Christ's love and his death in its totality reveals by God through the Holy Spirit working and convicted of her heart as i shared the gospel to her few years back and if opportunity arises, this weekend.
Somehow, as I looked back the past eight days, I am beginning to enjoy and loving every minutes of it, do not get me wrong, I am not a Sadducee (hope you understand this joke), but I really treasure and cherish all that is happening in my family, as I began to recount the Lord's blessings and sufferings as a family. And all these are given by the grace of God for his undeserving people like us and with his grace, we live on, to testify of his greatness!
Praise Adonai...
With that, i had a 15 to 20mins talk with him, updating him that i am no longer working in campus crusade for Christ, an organization that challenges and build up my Christian faith, of which i am greatly appreciative of. And now I am studying in TTC, looking at the possibility of going back to my home church, to be a pastor, of which definitely i am still praying about it and of course, not ruling out going back to campus crusade as my top priority.
With all my heart with God as my witness, i told my dad, if you are going to recover from this, there will forever a roof over your head and my elder brother just confirmed it at 5.30pm before he left. But in the event, if you hear Jesus calling you, dad, go in peace. I have never thought that i would ever had the courage to say that my dad. Definitely not in a manner of hopelessness, but rather having the conviction that Jesus is his Lord and Savior! And when the Lord calls, i know as for now, from suffering to glory in God (borrowing the words of Rodney Hui).
In the afternoon, my mum came with my elder brother to see my dad, the second time, yet I believe this time round, is more than just an obligation that she came to see him. But rather it could be a change of heart, would you pray with me, that my mum's heart would change during this period of time and also she is willing to forgive him despite of the many heartaches, hardships, hurts and pains that she endure. My mum would understood God's love and grace - through forgiving my dad, and she too be lifted up from the bondage of unforgiveness. And that she too fully understood Christ's love and his death in its totality reveals by God through the Holy Spirit working and convicted of her heart as i shared the gospel to her few years back and if opportunity arises, this weekend.
Somehow, as I looked back the past eight days, I am beginning to enjoy and loving every minutes of it, do not get me wrong, I am not a Sadducee (hope you understand this joke), but I really treasure and cherish all that is happening in my family, as I began to recount the Lord's blessings and sufferings as a family. And all these are given by the grace of God for his undeserving people like us and with his grace, we live on, to testify of his greatness!
Praise Adonai...
Is death humanity number one enemy?
Lord, are you joking? What are you trying to do? yesterday the doctor said that my dad is at the verge of death, yet today when I saw him at 130pm (have not consult the doctor yet), he is wide awake, very conscious and able to response to Miss Yap and Henry's prayers when they offer to pray for him. When i was talking to dad, he is able to response, with eyes very sharp and fresh and understood perfectly what i told him. He could even nodded his head to response when i asked him questions as he is still breathing via the air-mask.
There is a saying, when one comes back strongly out of nowhere, especially from a coma state and most unlikely state of recovering, it is when the time is up for the person to go soon.
Is this the current reality of my dad? Or has the Lord truly sustains my dad to overcome the humanity's number one enemy, death? Lord, You alone are Lord. I completely surrender all to thee.
To live is Christ and to die is gain. I pray that this would be said of my father in his deathbed, no matter what happens.
The prayer that you can be praying for today. I would talk to my dad about his salvation since he is wide awake and conscious to listen and hear the gospel. Yet at the same time, I will be talking to him, "Dad, if you heard Jesus calling you, go with him in peace and into his loving hands."
This statement does come with a great deal of pain to say, especially coming from my heart than my mouth. This statement is definitely not a statement that define hopelessness, but one that totally believe in the Sovereignty of the Lord and His merciful grace. Lord, You are not joking, thank you for everything. You are God alone and the God who is in control of every aspect of my life. Amen.
There is a saying, when one comes back strongly out of nowhere, especially from a coma state and most unlikely state of recovering, it is when the time is up for the person to go soon.
Is this the current reality of my dad? Or has the Lord truly sustains my dad to overcome the humanity's number one enemy, death? Lord, You alone are Lord. I completely surrender all to thee.
To live is Christ and to die is gain. I pray that this would be said of my father in his deathbed, no matter what happens.
The prayer that you can be praying for today. I would talk to my dad about his salvation since he is wide awake and conscious to listen and hear the gospel. Yet at the same time, I will be talking to him, "Dad, if you heard Jesus calling you, go with him in peace and into his loving hands."
This statement does come with a great deal of pain to say, especially coming from my heart than my mouth. This statement is definitely not a statement that define hopelessness, but one that totally believe in the Sovereignty of the Lord and His merciful grace. Lord, You are not joking, thank you for everything. You are God alone and the God who is in control of every aspect of my life. Amen.
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Are you ready?
latest update @ 2.30pm, hearing from the doctor, my dad could go anytime, because my dad's condition is slowly deteriorating with his heart is weak by the seconds, as he is back to his coma state, for he is back on air-mask for his breathing.
Are you ready? Am i ready? What kind of question that a son should be asking or even entertain at the first place? Will my heart ever be ready to see my dad, gone with the wind? Is it all possible at the first place? Am i ready? Lord, i dare not answer this simple question. Lord, take him away if it is under Your Sovereign will and when you know that i am ready.
You, O Lord, knows when i am ready, for you have tested and prepared me since i was in my mother's womb till now.
Romans 8:28, "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." God, if death is good for my dad, take him into Your eternal presence~!
Are you ready? Am i ready? What kind of question that a son should be asking or even entertain at the first place? Will my heart ever be ready to see my dad, gone with the wind? Is it all possible at the first place? Am i ready? Lord, i dare not answer this simple question. Lord, take him away if it is under Your Sovereign will and when you know that i am ready.
You, O Lord, knows when i am ready, for you have tested and prepared me since i was in my mother's womb till now.
Romans 8:28, "We know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to His purpose." God, if death is good for my dad, take him into Your eternal presence~!
Tuesday, February 17, 2009
latest update @ 5pm...
This is what my elder brother, Roy, update me...
"Ron, dad is in critical stage at the moment, for his chest infection is still in him as last week, he is able to absorb part of the medication but he is reacting to it and therefore causing to be weak till now. The doctors recommended that dad to be fed with another anti-biotic medication, if he response well to it, he survive, if not" (Roy did not finish the sentence), God is still my God. Amen.
He continue, "Ron, all we could do now is pray".
A statement of Hopeful or Hopeless? I guess this is the condition of our hearts and minds. Hopeful against all hopelessness.
O Lord, my heart is very tired and weary, my mind is everywhere, scenarios have been part of my thinking and process each day.
Lord, would You said this to me as you said this to Apostle Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Praise Adonai...
"Ron, dad is in critical stage at the moment, for his chest infection is still in him as last week, he is able to absorb part of the medication but he is reacting to it and therefore causing to be weak till now. The doctors recommended that dad to be fed with another anti-biotic medication, if he response well to it, he survive, if not" (Roy did not finish the sentence), God is still my God. Amen.
He continue, "Ron, all we could do now is pray".
A statement of Hopeful or Hopeless? I guess this is the condition of our hearts and minds. Hopeful against all hopelessness.
O Lord, my heart is very tired and weary, my mind is everywhere, scenarios have been part of my thinking and process each day.
Lord, would You said this to me as you said this to Apostle Paul, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
Praise Adonai...
O Lord, how long?
A normal person uses 50% or more of his heart to go about his routine life and the current state of my dad, according to the doctor from SGH, stated that my dad is actually using 30 to 35% of his heart, which translates that his heart is weak at the moment.
ICA = Highly dependence unit. Although he is out of ICU, but he is still in ICA, as stated above, his heart is still weak, and he is back on air-mask, cause he is not breathing well enough. Thank God that he need not the dialysis at the moment, which means that his kidney is functioning well in that sense.
Pray for him, that God will continue to keep his heart pumping stronger and stronger to 50% or more. Each day, he is suffering and is definitely painful and torn apart to see him in his state as his child and the best part, beside praying, there is nothing i could do! Lord, in your mercy. Pray also that he would stop struggling, wanting to break free especially his two hands are bonded, cause he tend to move too much, which results too many scars and bleedings.
Lord in Your Great Mercy and Unfailing Grace and Unconditional Love.
ICA = Highly dependence unit. Although he is out of ICU, but he is still in ICA, as stated above, his heart is still weak, and he is back on air-mask, cause he is not breathing well enough. Thank God that he need not the dialysis at the moment, which means that his kidney is functioning well in that sense.
Pray for him, that God will continue to keep his heart pumping stronger and stronger to 50% or more. Each day, he is suffering and is definitely painful and torn apart to see him in his state as his child and the best part, beside praying, there is nothing i could do! Lord, in your mercy. Pray also that he would stop struggling, wanting to break free especially his two hands are bonded, cause he tend to move too much, which results too many scars and bleedings.
Lord in Your Great Mercy and Unfailing Grace and Unconditional Love.
Monday, February 16, 2009
Priase Adonai...
Who is like Him
The Lion and the Lamb
Seated on the throne
Mountains bow down
Every ocean roars
To the Lord of hosts
Praise Adonai
From the rising of the sun
‘Til the end of every day
Praise Adonai
All the nations of the earth
All the angels and the saints
Sing Praise
Song by: Paul Baloche
Yesterday i went to my family church and ask for special permission from Bethel Presbyterian Church, who graciously allow me to be excuse for the week to rest. During worship, there is a song that i struggles with and find it hard to sing yet by faith, to sing with all my heart to praise Adonai - which is the Hebrew name for Master, Lord, YHWH (LORD). This is also one of my favorite song by Paul Baloche, who is a my personal favorite writer and great song composer for the Lord.
Praise Adonai, it is not as simpe as it is. When we are losing something or someone that are very close and dear to us, are we still able to praise Adonai? When we sing, we sing just with our lips or with our hearts unto the Lord?
The Lion and the Lamb
Seated on the throne
Mountains bow down
Every ocean roars
To the Lord of hosts
Praise Adonai
From the rising of the sun
‘Til the end of every day
Praise Adonai
All the nations of the earth
All the angels and the saints
Sing Praise
Song by: Paul Baloche
Yesterday i went to my family church and ask for special permission from Bethel Presbyterian Church, who graciously allow me to be excuse for the week to rest. During worship, there is a song that i struggles with and find it hard to sing yet by faith, to sing with all my heart to praise Adonai - which is the Hebrew name for Master, Lord, YHWH (LORD). This is also one of my favorite song by Paul Baloche, who is a my personal favorite writer and great song composer for the Lord.
Praise Adonai, it is not as simpe as it is. When we are losing something or someone that are very close and dear to us, are we still able to praise Adonai? When we sing, we sing just with our lips or with our hearts unto the Lord?
Hot from the oven...
at 12noon, just now when i heard the news from the doctor in charge. She said, "Your dad is recovering at the moment, he is off the air-mask, dialysis, he is able to breath on his own, and able to pass urine and motion more. definitely, it is a good sign for a recovering patient."
What a pleasant surprise to walk into the room, talking to my dad and seeing all the machines are almost gone, and the best part of knowing that he is recovering is to know that he wants to talk to me and drink a coffee and something to eat. this reminds me of the good old days when i was younger, we would always go for coffee and talking. =).
at the moment, they will be transferring him to another ward, it is called ICA, forgot what it means, but all i know and it means that he can breath on his own, by this time tomorrow, he maybe able to take solid food.
What an amazing God!
What a pleasant surprise to walk into the room, talking to my dad and seeing all the machines are almost gone, and the best part of knowing that he is recovering is to know that he wants to talk to me and drink a coffee and something to eat. this reminds me of the good old days when i was younger, we would always go for coffee and talking. =).
at the moment, they will be transferring him to another ward, it is called ICA, forgot what it means, but all i know and it means that he can breath on his own, by this time tomorrow, he maybe able to take solid food.
What an amazing God!
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Redefining love and filial piety...
What is the true definition of love and filial piety? On Friday midnight, i got a long talk with my mum about what is love and filial piety. She told me that my primary duty should be studying at this point in time, which is absolute true! But i was telling her, definitely i would like to study at this junction of time, but yet i can't help it when my mind is constantly thinking about my dad who is still in ICU. And knowing that anytime he could go for good is not going to help either.
My dad and mum got a long history of hate, hurt and unforgiveness since i was 8 years of age. I told my mum after i reached home after supper with my church mates (who i really appreciate all of your time!), that you are my mum, the man who you hate is my dad. And there is no way that i could ever divorce this truth regardless of how my dad hurt the family, and hurt you, mum.
if i could ever divorce this truth that he is not my dad, and not taking care of him during this season when he is in hospital, then mum, what makes you think that i would take care of you when you are down, falling sick and definitely one who is more closer to me than dad, when i don't even take care of dad now?
Mum, going there to the hospital daily is just an expression of my love for my dad, and i would do it for you if you are there as well. This is how i define love and filial piety, it is not a show, but it is a choice. If love is choosing who you want to love ( for this is easy), but rather love is loving even those you hate (i am not referring that i hate my dad, don't get me wrong). I love you, mum, just as i love dad, which i can never divorce this truth. If i can, then i would not be your son.
Love and filial piety comes hand-in-hand. My dad is like my "white" palm, while my mum is like the other side of my palm, i cant hate one and love the other, for it does not have any logic.
Pray for my mum, that she understood what is the true meaning of love that is only found in Christ and filial piety in this current situation. Thank you.
My dad and mum got a long history of hate, hurt and unforgiveness since i was 8 years of age. I told my mum after i reached home after supper with my church mates (who i really appreciate all of your time!), that you are my mum, the man who you hate is my dad. And there is no way that i could ever divorce this truth regardless of how my dad hurt the family, and hurt you, mum.
if i could ever divorce this truth that he is not my dad, and not taking care of him during this season when he is in hospital, then mum, what makes you think that i would take care of you when you are down, falling sick and definitely one who is more closer to me than dad, when i don't even take care of dad now?
Mum, going there to the hospital daily is just an expression of my love for my dad, and i would do it for you if you are there as well. This is how i define love and filial piety, it is not a show, but it is a choice. If love is choosing who you want to love ( for this is easy), but rather love is loving even those you hate (i am not referring that i hate my dad, don't get me wrong). I love you, mum, just as i love dad, which i can never divorce this truth. If i can, then i would not be your son.
Love and filial piety comes hand-in-hand. My dad is like my "white" palm, while my mum is like the other side of my palm, i cant hate one and love the other, for it does not have any logic.
Pray for my mum, that she understood what is the true meaning of love that is only found in Christ and filial piety in this current situation. Thank you.
Saturday, February 14, 2009
Latest updates...
after seeing the doctor at 2.30pm. he mentioned that my dad's air pipe is taken away, saying that he is under observance, see whether he could take the breathing on his own, and minimum help from the machine. the doctor sounded positive as he mentioned that the dialysis is clearing his blood, and so far my dad is sensitive to the medication and responding well to it as well. maybe in a few days, my dad could be off the ICU ward! no doubt, it is a great thanksgiving, and thank you for praying, and keep on praying! yet i am still remained that my dad is still in ICU...
for me, i am had a good sleep since 1230am to 10am this morning, but my mind remain quite heavy, think been too much thinking and stressful moments the last few days.
talk to my dad just now, he is conscious, but still very tired and been sleeping to recover more, he cant speak, but can give off some sounds, due to the long insert of the air-tube in his mouth. give him a few more hours, i believe he can talk in due time!
just now, talking to him alone, telling him that God loves him, i love him and telling him that my elder brother and myself at there with him. He understood that God never leave him nor forsake him since he heard of the gospel truth back in his younger days when he was serving actively in the church. though he maybe backsliding, i believe with all my heart with the peace, the Lord is my dad's Lord as well.
surrendering all to the Lord, whether he is to go or to live, whether he is saved or not, remains to the Lord. this is what my heart is convicted of.
for me, i am had a good sleep since 1230am to 10am this morning, but my mind remain quite heavy, think been too much thinking and stressful moments the last few days.
talk to my dad just now, he is conscious, but still very tired and been sleeping to recover more, he cant speak, but can give off some sounds, due to the long insert of the air-tube in his mouth. give him a few more hours, i believe he can talk in due time!
just now, talking to him alone, telling him that God loves him, i love him and telling him that my elder brother and myself at there with him. He understood that God never leave him nor forsake him since he heard of the gospel truth back in his younger days when he was serving actively in the church. though he maybe backsliding, i believe with all my heart with the peace, the Lord is my dad's Lord as well.
surrendering all to the Lord, whether he is to go or to live, whether he is saved or not, remains to the Lord. this is what my heart is convicted of.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Trust in the trust-worthiness of our Lord Jesus Christ...
now at 4pm, hearing from the doctor, knowing that my dad got a mini-heart attack, with that, his liver and lung is failing together with his chest infection. now he badly need the air pipe for his breathing and the help of machines, he also in need to have his blood clean due to his failure of his liver.
what can i say? what can i do? what can the doctor do to keep him survive? is there anything man can do at this point in time? am i hopeless?
i am still trusting in the trust-worthiness of our Lord Jesus Christ - his unfailing grace and love...
tough road ahead, but i m not alone, Christ has walked before, and with his strength and by his grace, Christ is still my God.
pray for the Lord to reveal Himself to my dad and in His great mercy, salvation belong to the Lord.
what can i say? what can i do? what can the doctor do to keep him survive? is there anything man can do at this point in time? am i hopeless?
i am still trusting in the trust-worthiness of our Lord Jesus Christ - his unfailing grace and love...
tough road ahead, but i m not alone, Christ has walked before, and with his strength and by his grace, Christ is still my God.
pray for the Lord to reveal Himself to my dad and in His great mercy, salvation belong to the Lord.
Consider Christ...
Consider Christ, the source of our salvation
That he should take the penalty for me
Though he was pure, a lamb without a blemish;
He took my sins and nailed them to the tree
Chorus
My Lord and God
You are so rich in mercy
Mere words alone are not sufficient thanks.
So take my life, transform, renew and change me
That I might be a living sacrifice
Consider Christ, that he could trust his Father
In the garden of Gethsemane
Though full of dread and fearful of the anguish;
He drank the cup that was reserved for me.
Consider Christ, for death he has defeated.
And he arose, appeared for all to see.
And now he sits at God’s right hand in heaven
Where he prepares a resting place for me
This song remind me that what i have been going through is nothing compared to what Christ has endure on the cross, and it teaches me to focus my eyes on Christ and the cross and no one else! Yet at the cross, where i find strength.
That he should take the penalty for me
Though he was pure, a lamb without a blemish;
He took my sins and nailed them to the tree
Chorus
My Lord and God
You are so rich in mercy
Mere words alone are not sufficient thanks.
So take my life, transform, renew and change me
That I might be a living sacrifice
Consider Christ, that he could trust his Father
In the garden of Gethsemane
Though full of dread and fearful of the anguish;
He drank the cup that was reserved for me.
Consider Christ, for death he has defeated.
And he arose, appeared for all to see.
And now he sits at God’s right hand in heaven
Where he prepares a resting place for me
This song remind me that what i have been going through is nothing compared to what Christ has endure on the cross, and it teaches me to focus my eyes on Christ and the cross and no one else! Yet at the cross, where i find strength.
for better or for worst...
i had a great time of talking and bouncing ideas with my elder brother, especially about my dad. for the better, it is a great news, that my elder brother have decided to take my dad back into his home! what a joy to behold! to see that my elder brother have taken a huge step in this process of reconciliation, but it must be done without my mum's knowledge.
for worst case scenario...
Roy, my elder brother, talk about in crisis like this, enable us as a family to be real, authentic, genuine and sincere love for each other. he mention that he would rather have a family of this, than a family of shallow relationship between each other.
my mum called me at 6pm and she is at home, her off-day yesterday, 12th Feb 2009, she asked me, why am i still in SGH? i seriously do not know how to answer her at that moment. she told me that i should be in TTC and study, or resting.
"how to?" i wonder. "is it all possible at all to be study at this point of time? is it possible to stay in TTC and rest, when my dad is in ICU?" O Lord, grant me strength, wisdom, discipline to walk in Your unfailing grace.
for better or for worst, it is not just a marriage vow statement that couples talk with each other and promise for life to hold on to this promise, but rather, it is also for family as well.
for worst case scenario...
Roy, my elder brother, talk about in crisis like this, enable us as a family to be real, authentic, genuine and sincere love for each other. he mention that he would rather have a family of this, than a family of shallow relationship between each other.
my mum called me at 6pm and she is at home, her off-day yesterday, 12th Feb 2009, she asked me, why am i still in SGH? i seriously do not know how to answer her at that moment. she told me that i should be in TTC and study, or resting.
"how to?" i wonder. "is it all possible at all to be study at this point of time? is it possible to stay in TTC and rest, when my dad is in ICU?" O Lord, grant me strength, wisdom, discipline to walk in Your unfailing grace.
for better or for worst, it is not just a marriage vow statement that couples talk with each other and promise for life to hold on to this promise, but rather, it is also for family as well.
visiting hours...
i will be in SGH after 2 pm on friday, on sat maybe after 11am onwards and sun after 2pm... please give me a call before you want to come, if not i scared that you may waste the trip.
due to my dad is still in ICU, visiting as a group may not be advisable, can come as a group, but may not all can see my dad, hope that you understand. =).
official visiting hours from the hospital side, 12 - 2pm and 530 to 8pm.
due to my dad is still in ICU, visiting as a group may not be advisable, can come as a group, but may not all can see my dad, hope that you understand. =).
official visiting hours from the hospital side, 12 - 2pm and 530 to 8pm.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
small breath at a time...
just talk to the staff nurse, who told my elder brother and myself at 530pm, that they will try to see whether they could take off the breathing equipments from my dad tomorrow morning and see whether he can breath on his own. For his breathing at the moment, the nurse said that he could breath himself, but at small breath at this point of time. it sounds like a great news, but the nurse did not want to give us any false hope, for he is still in ICU, anything could possibly happen.
at 530pm, when we were talking to the nurse, i saw my dad's chest was going up and down, i panic for a short while and the nurse affirmed that my dad is just coughing, my heart was going up and down with him. what a scare!
only when my dad can breath on his own, then there is a possibility that he could be on his way to recovery and provided that he is out of the state of semi-conscious.
how fragile is life, O man.
at 530pm, when we were talking to the nurse, i saw my dad's chest was going up and down, i panic for a short while and the nurse affirmed that my dad is just coughing, my heart was going up and down with him. what a scare!
only when my dad can breath on his own, then there is a possibility that he could be on his way to recovery and provided that he is out of the state of semi-conscious.
how fragile is life, O man.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
prayer requests and updates on my dad...
prayer requests:
latest update:
"my dad got a bit fever, but subsiding, better liao. He can respond to my elder brother's talking. so dun worry." A sms from my elder brother at 2139.
- my dad, mum, elder brother and sister-in-law's salvation
- my mum cried this morning, pray for a reconciliation, restoration and between my mum and dad!
- my heart is more concerned about my whole family salvation than the physical healing of my dad, which i think this is more important than anything else in the world!
- strength, wisdom in making decision, courage and boldness to share the love of Christ to my family members, showing practical love to all of them in the times of need.
- everything that happen is not by chance, but by the Sovereignty of God and by his grace that everything is purely for God's glory alone! Amen!
latest update:
"my dad got a bit fever, but subsiding, better liao. He can respond to my elder brother's talking. so dun worry." A sms from my elder brother at 2139.
each breath could be his last...
Each breath could be his last! with all the tubes and machines to keep him alive, i cant help it but to thank God for technology, without it, i definitely will seeing to my dad's funeral by now. but is technology a curse for this current generation or is it a blessing? is it better for my dad to suffer due to technology or a blessing that it is still keeping him alive? suffer or alive?
but to me, what really matters most now, is my dad's salvation, which is more important than his health. if God would answer me just one prayer request, i would chose his salvation over his healing. in the eyes of man, many would pray for his healing. but in 2 Kings 5, the passage for the day, talks about healing, but is really healing the key issue for someone who is in his deathbed? is healing his main thoughts? or is there something more than that?
a man in his deathbed, what would he be thinking? would his last wish be, "healing? or what is next for me?" healing vs salvation? what a tough choice for man to consider!
i was reminded as i make my way to the hospital this morning, 11 Feb 2009. God the Father at the edge of losing his Son- Jesus Christ when he bear the sins of the world, he need to not to look at his Son, for God being the Holy God and send Jesus Christ to die, to bear the sin and God cannot endure sin. the pain of losing his Son, i wonder, "What is going through the mind of God and his heart - his only Son that he loves the most, yet God give it all up to glorify Himself!"
what a thought, what a God! so is Christianity a relevant religion? NO! it is a personal relationship with God who can purely identify with his people! For only when God loses his Son on the Cross, it was the greatest testimony and of the utmost relevant that God purely understand and understood what it is like to lose a Son - someone who is beyond words could ever describe the anguish, the pain, the lostness, the confusion and the great tension of losing his Son for humanity, is it worth it?
Each breath could be his last, Jesus Christ on the cross, his mind and heart did not ask, "Is it worth it for all humanity?" but rather, "It is finished! it is purely for the Glory of God! Soli Deo Gloria!" i dont think Christ thought of us when he is on the cross, like my favorite song, "above all".
here goes the chorus, "Crucified, Laid behind a stone, You lived to die, Rejected and alone, Like a rose, Trampled on the ground, You took the fall, And thought of me, Above all"
and thought of me, i believe that Jesus Christ is definitely thinking of God and not humanity that many would mistaken.
but to me, what really matters most now, is my dad's salvation, which is more important than his health. if God would answer me just one prayer request, i would chose his salvation over his healing. in the eyes of man, many would pray for his healing. but in 2 Kings 5, the passage for the day, talks about healing, but is really healing the key issue for someone who is in his deathbed? is healing his main thoughts? or is there something more than that?
a man in his deathbed, what would he be thinking? would his last wish be, "healing? or what is next for me?" healing vs salvation? what a tough choice for man to consider!
i was reminded as i make my way to the hospital this morning, 11 Feb 2009. God the Father at the edge of losing his Son- Jesus Christ when he bear the sins of the world, he need to not to look at his Son, for God being the Holy God and send Jesus Christ to die, to bear the sin and God cannot endure sin. the pain of losing his Son, i wonder, "What is going through the mind of God and his heart - his only Son that he loves the most, yet God give it all up to glorify Himself!"
what a thought, what a God! so is Christianity a relevant religion? NO! it is a personal relationship with God who can purely identify with his people! For only when God loses his Son on the Cross, it was the greatest testimony and of the utmost relevant that God purely understand and understood what it is like to lose a Son - someone who is beyond words could ever describe the anguish, the pain, the lostness, the confusion and the great tension of losing his Son for humanity, is it worth it?
Each breath could be his last, Jesus Christ on the cross, his mind and heart did not ask, "Is it worth it for all humanity?" but rather, "It is finished! it is purely for the Glory of God! Soli Deo Gloria!" i dont think Christ thought of us when he is on the cross, like my favorite song, "above all".
here goes the chorus, "Crucified, Laid behind a stone, You lived to die, Rejected and alone, Like a rose, Trampled on the ground, You took the fall, And thought of me, Above all"
and thought of me, i believe that Jesus Christ is definitely thinking of God and not humanity that many would mistaken.
reality hit in...
this morning, at 720am, i received a sms from my elder brother, Roy. "Ron, dad in SGH MICU ward 45 bed 18. He is in very bad state." i was having my regular QT with my cluster mates in TTC, after reading it, i cant bring myself to read the passage anymore, even though it is on the healing of the Naaman, in 2 Kings 5. i thought it would be most relevant for me this morning, to be reading this passage.
i went back to my room after 5 mins, i cant bring myself to think about anything anymore, but a time of crying and pleading with the Lord on my father's bebalf. call my elder brother and told him that i am on my way there now.
what is going through my mind when i slowly took a bus to the hospital then? moments of flashback came into my mind. My parents divorce since i was young, as young as i am eight, was living with my mum since then. i remember when i am staying with my mum, i will always look forward that my dad bring both my elder brother and me out for lunch or dinner. it would always be jack's place (back then, the standard was one of the best!) once a month. we would have countless things to talk about. even remember that my dad was the best, he brought me to East Coast Park and go fishing! we would put down the net, and my elder brother would swim and drag the net, and my dad and i would swim nearer to the shore, cause i am still young then. what a beautiful moments that i treasure in my heart!
on the way to SGH, my mind was thinking of percious moments with my dad. Tears came down as i saw many faces on the bus 184 and Mrt. i was smsing most of my closet friends, brothers and sisters in Christ and churchmates. this is the most tough time ahead.
reality hits in badly, when i was thinking of my dad, what would be remember of him? when i know that each breath he is taking could be his last. do i plead for mercy? or grace?
one question still remain in my heart, "what should i be praying for him at this junction? healing more important than salvation?"
i went back to my room after 5 mins, i cant bring myself to think about anything anymore, but a time of crying and pleading with the Lord on my father's bebalf. call my elder brother and told him that i am on my way there now.
what is going through my mind when i slowly took a bus to the hospital then? moments of flashback came into my mind. My parents divorce since i was young, as young as i am eight, was living with my mum since then. i remember when i am staying with my mum, i will always look forward that my dad bring both my elder brother and me out for lunch or dinner. it would always be jack's place (back then, the standard was one of the best!) once a month. we would have countless things to talk about. even remember that my dad was the best, he brought me to East Coast Park and go fishing! we would put down the net, and my elder brother would swim and drag the net, and my dad and i would swim nearer to the shore, cause i am still young then. what a beautiful moments that i treasure in my heart!
on the way to SGH, my mind was thinking of percious moments with my dad. Tears came down as i saw many faces on the bus 184 and Mrt. i was smsing most of my closet friends, brothers and sisters in Christ and churchmates. this is the most tough time ahead.
reality hits in badly, when i was thinking of my dad, what would be remember of him? when i know that each breath he is taking could be his last. do i plead for mercy? or grace?
one question still remain in my heart, "what should i be praying for him at this junction? healing more important than salvation?"
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Quote of the day...
“I defy the Pope, and all his laws; and if God spares my life, I will cause the boy that drives the plow in England to know more about the Scripture than the Pope himself.”
~William Tyndale 1494 – 1536
~William Tyndale 1494 – 1536
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