It has been a year since the pain of my love one deceased. The pain was so strong and real, so painful that tears could just comes down on its own without my command and despite of intentionally holding it back.
now at the wee hours of the morning, where everyone is going to sleep, but totally impossible in a college like ttc, for surely there are people working their hearts out for the many assignments, essays, quiz to study, debates and presentations to prepare.
the whole week of Chinese New Year, i did enjoy myself with the much-needed companions of my friends in church, family members and having more time with myself. the sadness of my heart came at my family reunion dinner, where everyone is having great and delicious food in front of them, my face is a poker face.
Sadness came into my heart, so much that i dare not show everyone that i am tearing and crying inside. the sadness of it all comes because of the death of one that i called father and yet brother in Christ. I wonder everyone at the dinner table, whether they remember that my father's death anniversary is in a few days time. I wonder if they still remember who is my father and what he did. Poker face was what i wear, and i believe i did well, but seriously, my heart sank deeper and deeper, i think it could touch the deepest end of the great ocean of the world.
the feeling is like 心如刀割！a song from Jacky Cheung.
sorry, i cant write anymore...period.
